Monday, July 12, 2004
Tyranny Of Caffeine |9:36 AM| Damn I feel better. After a horrifying headache and some extremely low energy levels, it seems my body has stopped punishing me for my quitting of caffeine. I feel a hell of a lot better than I have in a long time. I don't have proof that my improved mood is a result of my better diet, but I don't see any other immediate cause. Portal said she could see the difference immediately, especially in my eyes.
I cleaned up the apartment, assembled the crazy ass leaning bookshelf and even set up the fishtank. It was a productive weekend, and my mood was swell. That is until I came to work and was in traffic so terrible I fell asleep while waiting. I then spent 20 minutes at the front desk waiting to be processed through the horrific "badge expired" process. I've bitched about it before but goddamn, sometimes it seems it'd be easier to just drive my car through a window than to follow the rules here.
In response here is the text of an actual trouble ticket.
This makes me feel superior to the company in which I work. Take that to mean the people, or the corporation.
Edit:
If ever you needed a way to feel superior to your common man, the IMDB Message Boards can certainly provide it.
The Devil at your heels available for purchase. From the National Film Board of Canada. For $40.
Additionally, the comment system may be working for alternative browsers. Or it might not be. If it still isn't working, please trying to go to the archive version of the page (Click the time stamp) and then see if it works. That will provide me with useful information.
(0) comments
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
What the fuck am I doing here. |4:24 PM| Man, I goofed up last night. I was supposed to eat dinner with my folks, and I was waiting for Portal to call me back after she was off of work, but I fell asleep. Dammit. Need to get my sleep schedule under some kind of real control. I'm getting better, but it's still not there. Hopefully the drug increases will work.
I'm trying to figure out what to get my father for father's day. I love my dad, but I hate that I am obligated to purchase him a gift on an entirely artificial holiday. It's like being made to feel guilty that I purchased a generic brand of orange juice instead of Minute Maid, pretty much because Minute Maid said so.
Hallmark can kiss the front of my car at 70, possibly 85 miles an hour. I want to purchase a gift from a company that isn't making any extra money by making people feel guilty about buying shit for people. I might give my dad a box of graham crackers. That's a gift that will last as long as a card, and would be appreciated more.
Man, graham crackers would be tasty right now.
The real reason I'm posting this is that I wanted to share this gem of a trouble ticket problem description.
I spend a lot of my time decoding the crazy moonman language in which my trouble tickets are often written, and this one is a fine example.
Another feature of this ticket is the demand that the printer be "serviced". Often customers will ask that among other things, the printer have the magical servicing process performed. Cleaning? Replacement? Waving a magic wand? People who ask for "service" almost always don't know what they want. It's another way of just saying "Just...just make it work!"
Here are some work-safe images X-rays of horrid accidents.
X-ray 1
X-Ray 2
(0) comments
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Tech Support Quotes |12:00 AM| All tech support is better with a lot of cursing.
On the removal of pop-ups and MalWare:
Cecil: You need to get something else, probably "Seek and Destroy" or whatever it's called nowadays.
Tech Support-e: I thought I made them all go away. Oh..
Cecil:The use of multiple applications increases the likelihood of you finding the MalWare some cockramming shit pilot has installed onto your system to fuck with you, your kith, and your kin.
Later....
Vorpal: cockramming shit pilot is gold
Cecil: I kind of liked Goddamn shitstabbing fuck grabber
Vorpal: I'm still straining to understand "fuck grabber"
Cecil: I don't understand it myself. It was a nice sounding verb.
(0) comments
Monday, December 29, 2003
Internal Monologue Issues |11:58 AM| Recently, the dialog I have with myself in order to fix problems has taken a turn for the bleak and violent. I wonder if I should drink more orange juice.
"Hmmm. They powercycled, and it didn't clear the error. Might be the motherboard. I could have Brady go out and swap it. Or I could kill the caller and then burn down their building. Wait, no...that's not the right answer."
"I need to check my inbox for the status requests, and then sort these data sheets. Or I could vomit into a trashcan and then drown myself in my own bile"
It'd make quite a statement. And that statement would What the FUCKING FUCK was wrong with you?
"Sir, I'm afraid there's been some delay in the repair of your printer. After talking to you the help desk guy built a primitive guillotine and cut off his own head."
(0) comments
Thursday, July 24, 2003
I know your name. Now, you're mine. |1:53 PM| Back at road runner, one of the minor annoyances I had was with people who used my name more often during the phone call than necessary. The caller would usually have me repeat my name, then keep saying it over and over, once, sometimes twice each sentence. I began to really hate the sound of my own name. It was a tiny issue, that over the course of months, built up in my head to the point that when people use my name too much, I want to reach out and snap their neck.
It's my name, not yours, stop saying it. Their intent could be to put the conversation on more familiar terms, or to make me note the exchange more or maybe they think they have power over me because they know my name. This is just a tip to anyone who uses this "tactic" in day to day life, especially in requests: Look out for me. I don't know how, I don't know when, but one day I'm going to find a way to make saying my name cause fear and pain in one of these people. If I have to chain them in a basement and stab them in the groin with a tazer while screaming my name for weeks on end, then I guess that's what I'll do.
(0) comments
Tyranny Of Caffeine |9:36 AM| Damn I feel better. After a horrifying headache and some extremely low energy levels, it seems my body has stopped punishing me for my quitting of caffeine. I feel a hell of a lot better than I have in a long time. I don't have proof that my improved mood is a result of my better diet, but I don't see any other immediate cause. Portal said she could see the difference immediately, especially in my eyes.
I cleaned up the apartment, assembled the crazy ass leaning bookshelf and even set up the fishtank. It was a productive weekend, and my mood was swell. That is until I came to work and was in traffic so terrible I fell asleep while waiting. I then spent 20 minutes at the front desk waiting to be processed through the horrific "badge expired" process. I've bitched about it before but goddamn, sometimes it seems it'd be easier to just drive my car through a window than to follow the rules here.
In response here is the text of an actual trouble ticket.
We are having so many issues with this printer just not working properlay and exteremly slow. Color will be off, it may skip a page. I think we have warned it out and if all possible to get it replaced with another color printed will help me out with the number of complaints I get from the managers and my director.
This makes me feel superior to the company in which I work. Take that to mean the people, or the corporation.
Edit:
If ever you needed a way to feel superior to your common man, the IMDB Message Boards can certainly provide it.
The Devil at your heels available for purchase. From the National Film Board of Canada. For $40.
Additionally, the comment system may be working for alternative browsers. Or it might not be. If it still isn't working, please trying to go to the archive version of the page (Click the time stamp) and then see if it works. That will provide me with useful information.
Labels: Drugs, Tech Support
(0) comments
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
What the fuck am I doing here. |4:24 PM| Man, I goofed up last night. I was supposed to eat dinner with my folks, and I was waiting for Portal to call me back after she was off of work, but I fell asleep. Dammit. Need to get my sleep schedule under some kind of real control. I'm getting better, but it's still not there. Hopefully the drug increases will work.
I'm trying to figure out what to get my father for father's day. I love my dad, but I hate that I am obligated to purchase him a gift on an entirely artificial holiday. It's like being made to feel guilty that I purchased a generic brand of orange juice instead of Minute Maid, pretty much because Minute Maid said so.
Hallmark can kiss the front of my car at 70, possibly 85 miles an hour. I want to purchase a gift from a company that isn't making any extra money by making people feel guilty about buying shit for people. I might give my dad a box of graham crackers. That's a gift that will last as long as a card, and would be appreciated more.
Man, graham crackers would be tasty right now.
The real reason I'm posting this is that I wanted to share this gem of a trouble ticket problem description.
This is a printer,fax and scan machine that's does not fax. The Fax# 36861 and it's plugged up to jack number is now RR3-C279. We need to get this faxed fixed and have it all serviced
I spend a lot of my time decoding the crazy moonman language in which my trouble tickets are often written, and this one is a fine example.
Another feature of this ticket is the demand that the printer be "serviced". Often customers will ask that among other things, the printer have the magical servicing process performed. Cleaning? Replacement? Waving a magic wand? People who ask for "service" almost always don't know what they want. It's another way of just saying "Just...just make it work!"
Here are some work-safe images X-rays of horrid accidents.
X-ray 1
X-Ray 2
Labels: Broken Links, Tech Support
(0) comments
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Tech Support Quotes |12:00 AM| All tech support is better with a lot of cursing.
On the removal of pop-ups and MalWare:
Cecil: You need to get something else, probably "Seek and Destroy" or whatever it's called nowadays.
Tech Support-e: I thought I made them all go away. Oh..
Cecil:The use of multiple applications increases the likelihood of you finding the MalWare some cockramming shit pilot has installed onto your system to fuck with you, your kith, and your kin.
Later....
Vorpal: cockramming shit pilot is gold
Cecil: I kind of liked Goddamn shitstabbing fuck grabber
Vorpal: I'm still straining to understand "fuck grabber"
Cecil: I don't understand it myself. It was a nice sounding verb.
Labels: DerekD, Tech Support
(0) comments
Monday, December 29, 2003
Internal Monologue Issues |11:58 AM| Recently, the dialog I have with myself in order to fix problems has taken a turn for the bleak and violent. I wonder if I should drink more orange juice.
"Hmmm. They powercycled, and it didn't clear the error. Might be the motherboard. I could have Brady go out and swap it. Or I could kill the caller and then burn down their building. Wait, no...that's not the right answer."
"I need to check my inbox for the status requests, and then sort these data sheets. Or I could vomit into a trashcan and then drown myself in my own bile"
It'd make quite a statement. And that statement would What the FUCKING FUCK was wrong with you?
"Sir, I'm afraid there's been some delay in the repair of your printer. After talking to you the help desk guy built a primitive guillotine and cut off his own head."
Labels: Tech Support
(0) comments
Thursday, July 24, 2003
I know your name. Now, you're mine. |1:53 PM| Back at road runner, one of the minor annoyances I had was with people who used my name more often during the phone call than necessary. The caller would usually have me repeat my name, then keep saying it over and over, once, sometimes twice each sentence. I began to really hate the sound of my own name. It was a tiny issue, that over the course of months, built up in my head to the point that when people use my name too much, I want to reach out and snap their neck.
It's my name, not yours, stop saying it. Their intent could be to put the conversation on more familiar terms, or to make me note the exchange more or maybe they think they have power over me because they know my name. This is just a tip to anyone who uses this "tactic" in day to day life, especially in requests: Look out for me. I don't know how, I don't know when, but one day I'm going to find a way to make saying my name cause fear and pain in one of these people. If I have to chain them in a basement and stab them in the groin with a tazer while screaming my name for weeks on end, then I guess that's what I'll do.
Labels: Tech Support
(0) comments
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