1-800-Brendie |1:12 AM|
I have a new nickname, one that I actually like! Long time readers/people I bitch to/whomever know that I have been nicknamed "Weasel" by two independent social circles. I did not appreciate this.
However, being nicknamed, pretty much out of the blue "Brendy" is heartwarming. Alternatively, "Brendie" as in 1-800-Brendie. For all of your castle sieging needs.
I'm trying to spend about 30 minutes or so writing an evening, though a lot of it will never see the light of day. Such is the way of the world, or so I'm told by the drunken writer out of Portland with whom I parley with daily.
I threw some more pictures into the "Time Line" gallery.
Living on the cheap |11:42 PM|
I spent a little over $5 today and still had a great time. I ate, I partied, I ate some more, went to a play, and got breakfast.
First, I got a call from Christina needing a ride to the party last night:
Even though I was about 1/10th of a mile from the party at that point, I still agreed to come pick her up, as long as she covered the gas (otherwise we were going to be limited to places that were downhill). Along with the couple of bucks from Christina (not enough for a full gallon of gas)I spent an additional $2 in quarters to keep fumes in the car. I managed to drive her home, and still limp back home. I really should have taken the everclear from the fountain at that party and used it to fuel my car, as I certainly wasn't going to drink my share.
From there I went to help Josh and Katie move: Note: Neither of the people in this picture are Josh and or Katie. They paid me in Pizza.
The first set of pizzas was ordered from Mangia's, and we only ordered three. The connection was bad, so when he said the total it was a bit garbled.
Me: "Man for a second there it sounded like he said the total was $70. He obviously said $17. Hmmm wait a sec. I'll call him back." Pizza dude: "Yeah that total was 73.60" Me: "SEVENTY DOLLARS"
Josh, Eric and I at same time, in perfect harmony: WHOOOOOOA
Thanks to our Church Choir-esque harmonizing, the dude was already cancelling by the time I started asking for the death of that pizza order.
The papa john pizza Josh ended up getting kept me fed for a bit.
I drove over to Sheel and Mike's place without the A/C on, and I helped them move as well.
Sheel examines Christina's tiny cat toy thing while I'm trying to eat.
After that I hit a free showing of The Intergalactic Nemesis featuring/starring an old friend of mine Lee Eddy.
As I parked I promptly fucked up my car when a tuft of dirt was revealed to be a concrete pillar.
Luckily I was able to quickly enlist a couple guys to help me push my car. I did want to ask Lee after the show to help, if only to say "Hey Lee! It's great to see you after so long, want to help unfuck my car?"
After that, I scraped together another couple of quarters for gas, and hit Tetco. I then remembered that it had been a long time since I used any of the reward points I'd been acquiring, and from that I was able to purchase "Breakfast" Fritos and cheap milk! Awesome!
All in all, a productive and entertaining Saturday for less than the cost of 2 gallons of gas.
Bonnaroo Time Line |6:23 PM|
Alright this ain't done. Here's a link to the gallery or you can wait and read a better explanation of most of the images as it is written here.
Everyone had goofy head wear save me. My bandanna was odd but it wasn't bizarre enough
On Thursday I had become separated from the rest of the group, and since their cellphones weren't working I had no way to contact them, not place to meet them. So I started wandering in the way I was hoping they'd wander to find me. When "The Crystal Method" began playing on a P.A. system I knew one of our party would head towards it. I did manage to spot Chris from a fair distance because of his hat. He'd taken off wandering in an attempt to find me. After that I decided it was time for me to find some horrible green head covering. It took some time on Friday, including what my friends thought was a ridiculous detour, but I prevailed. Sort of. http://picasaweb.google.com/Cecil137/Bonnaroo2007/photo#5077476329379632146 The material was thin, and cheap, and non-absorbent. I paid for the rag as they handed it to me and the moment I had pulled it from the plastic I thought "Oh dammit I've been fucked." $5 was about 350% too much for this hideous thing (in the real world that is), but it served its purpose.
We went and listened to the preaching of The Nightwatchman next.
Then Manu Chao Radio Bemba Sound System. That was a truly entertaining show. I couldn't understand a single thing they said (It was in Spanish, I believe) but it was still a blast and it compelled you to dance.
We had listened briefly to Lily Allen on our way over to the Manu Chao show, and she sounded really interesting. She is talented vocally, but upon listening to her album we all found her lyrics to be sorely lacking.
On the main stage that evening was Tool, who put on a hell of a show, at ear-destroying volume. I'm surprised I couldn't see the actual vibrations through the air from those monstrous speakers. The big video displays were showing imagery and videos in the tool visual styles. Creepy shit, I wonder if it's the same crew making those videos or if they have to change them out every so often.
Chris and Cass hit the hay, Jimmy and I tried to locate trouble of some kind. What Jimmy located was "fatigue" and "Cold" http://picasaweb.google.com/Cecil137/Bonnaroo2007/photo#5077476707336754306 I tried out the Silent Disco. http://picasaweb.google.com/Cecil137/Bonnaroo2007/photo#5077476642912244850 The String Cheese incident didn't really grab our attention, so I can't give an honest appraisal of their show.
Saturday:
The next day's initial highlight was Regina Effin' Spektor. http://picasaweb.google.com/Cecil137/Bonnaroo2007/photo#5077476810415969442 She had a truly cute and endearing stage personality, she fumbled the words for her songs a couple times and laughed it off. She played a guitar that she said she "Sucked" at, it was a great deal of fun. There are several more images from her concert in the gallery, and Cass took a video when she started singing après moi*.
I'd been wanting to see her in concert ever since Cass introduced me to her music several months back, and her show did not disappoint. I even waited in a line that was of epic scale* to get her signature on a CD.
After we met back up with Chris and Jimmy we hit the Ween concert, which was enjoyable even if we were pretty damn far from the stage.
We then ran into this ridiculous group of dancers. Every time a song would finish, the cheer would go up "One more song!" The women on stilts were beginning to show a great deal of fatigue, and occasionally would just flat out stop moving around. We did our best to keep up.
Christina has returned from France, a party was thrown. There was music, and so we danced. This terrible dance was imported from Korea about 10 years ago.
Jordan came by for a visit, always good to see him.
I ended up going to all night diners twice in one evening, first with Kristina, then later Christina. Christina (when she went to Star Seeds) Spent a great deal of time yelling about how she loved America, missed America, mostly due to their being places to eat at 4am.
Despite getting in at about 5:45/6am, I went out to see Kamon, Cass, and Jimmy all play soccer
Hung out at Jason's place, then watched "Aliens" with Will, who had managed to never see it.
Sunday was spent vegging out at a professional level.
This also involved a damn auger. Ever used a 2 man Auger? It's fucking rough.
After the deck, my uncle then showed me the "boot camp" work out he's been doing. This is a nightmare.
At this point I could not move most of the left side of my body, as I had strained just about everything. I felt great. No sarcasm, I felt fantastic. Today I made fajitas that were a religous experience, and Joe and I discussed the upcoming X-box series contest. Things are looking up.
A party at Cass's place, I was completely sober this time, so that if events occurred similar to the last party, I would not be completely helpless when hitting on women, or unable to help when a dude pissed on a neighbor's window. Luckily, it was a much more relaxed party, and the only bizarre event was a guy putting his ass through a window. I've put my ass through wire re-inforced glass, and a couple chunks of drywall. This is how I earned the nickname "Buns of steel" in high school for most of senior year.
Cheaper than a roller coaster |1:01 AM|
Wow, I walked out of Cass's place thinking "I need to go to Europe", among other ideas on how to make life more interesting. Less than 5 minutes later I was surfing on a thin layer of water, doing my damnedest to avoid disaster.
I've been bitching at Portland for a while about a lack of certainty in my life. Some kind of good, pure direction. Few things can focus me like rocketing down the road with only the most tenuous of control over my vehicle.
I was tooling along, doing 10 under the speed limit to be safe*.
Up ahead, at the intersection marked below, the light turned red. This is downhill, bad road conditions, I knew I had a damned good chance of losing control of the vehicle, and that's exactly what happened the moment I applied the brakes. The car was swerving, wildly. At this point I was trying to bring it under control and stop before the intersection. Then I changed priorities to just staying in the right lane. As I shot forward, still fish tailing, I abandoned those ideas and just concentrated on staying in the center lane and not hitting anything. I honked twice as I passed under the now very red stoplights.
I noticed there weren't any cars around, and I had plenty of road to work this out. That's when it became fun.
Don't get me wrong, this was scary shit, my car was skidding almost completely out of my control, but I was absolutely certain of my ability to bring it back. Applying the brakes did dick for stabilizing, so I had to turn into the slides, and then swing back around the moment I felt some minor bit of control. My car weighs very little for its size, so all I had to do was make sure the weight of the engine was travelling where I wanted it to go, and I could take care of the fishtailing rear of the car later.
The map below probably doesn't show enough of the direction changes I made, length of my "detour" but I definitely remember the edge of the green area, it's about where I'd stop.
After I stopped, I rolled down the window to pump my fist and cheer loudly. I was half tempted to swing back around and do it again. This grin is going to be plastered to my face the rest of the day.
Failed meteor shower |10:15 AM|
Attempts at watching a meteor shower sorta failed. 90% cancel rate on invitees, but that's probably okay the cloud cover didn't break. Ryan and I drove all around the area, took pictures of various objects and odd landscaping, and had a (sort of) game of hide and seek with a security guard. I'm sure we brightened that guard's evening up a lot. "Oh! A Celica keeps trying to get into the kingdom I've sworn to protect! Huzzah!" He finally chased us off when we stopped to take pictures of a bunch of spooked rabbits.
A bothersome tuesday |12:59 AM|
My day started last week when I became fed up with motion tablets. "Oh please" I prayed to only myself "Let something horrible go wrong with someone, any one's computer at this company, lest I work on another motion tablet. For if I work on another one of these tablets, I will be forced to kill the next man upon whom I lay my eyes, forthwith. "
About 15 minutes later, the second-in-command of the whole damn company calls down, asks for me specifically. His computer has died, horribly. It took me an hour just to find the right goddamn partition from which to recover his data. His machine would boot loop whenever that hard drive was just plugged into the unit.
Awesome.
If I actually believed in fate or God I'd call that pretty good service. So no one had to die that day. The next day, they'd relocated our servers all of a sudden, and the entire company is totally, fucking, hosed. Nothing works. In fact, shit they didn't even expect whatsoever has broken, like the fax machine. And like, the potted plants. This is okay. We deal with it. Almost 0 computers are repaired. Monday rolls around and I feel like a bag of hammered shit, or possibly smashed assholes. I call in sick because the last thing I want to face is another big goddamn pile of motion tablets. I call in sick, despite my lack of any remaining sick hours. The evening has its pleasant distractions.
Tuesday shows up, big tall and angry. I deal with motions all day, and the life has just gone out of me. I'd comforted my folks yesterday about the shootings, promised to be careful. The meaning had drained out of fixing these fucking things again, and again. It is frustrating to see the same computer come in several times with outrageous damage inflicted upon it by the ignorant and lazy. I could not pour myself into my work as I would have wanted.
The end of the day comes, finally. I start making calls, because all I want to do is distract myself from this shit day, this work, this week which has just begun. No one can fucking come out. Cass is sick, Chris is at band. Will and Rissa are moving. Josh is making dinner with his girlfriend. It occurred to me at this point that the vast majority of my friends were attached and happily spending time with one another. My insipid jealousy was no longer under my control. I believe my exact words to Wonderlust were I MUST DESTROY ALL HAPPINESS
Gussy'd up and not a fucking place to go or a place to fuck, I wandered around town doing chores, like replacing my windshield wiper and trying to sell shirts. Life be my wild fucking mistress that's out of town and left her phone behind and doesn't even send a fucking postcard I grab a pile of the goddamn pictoz.com t-shirts, because I need money. I neeeed it. I don't earn enough at my job to really get ahead, just enough to live, buy good rum sometimes, do favors for friends, pull some stupid shit. Not enough. And I've got like $2000 worth of fucking stock in these shirts. I take them to Buffalo Exchange, maybe 20-30 items in this basket, I don't know how many I can sell.
One.
They buy one. Fucking. shirt. A small. They're going to sell it for $10, so they give me 30%
Wow. $3. That almost paid for the gas to get here. Oh, why is my tank empty? I had spent all night driving around really angrily with Ryan, downshifting around turns, flying down hills, to the point of making deliberate wrong turns:
Ryan: "Hey, you turned left, we needed to turn right." Me: "REALLY? GUESS WE HAVE TO BUST....A...UUUUUUTUUURRRRRN" Cue the powerslide through the next intersection, tires screeching then smoking, me screaming like Slim Pickens as I pulled through the turn and avoided the ditch/wall/whatever shit I was dodging, repeatedly thinking "OH FUCK WE'RE DEAD". To his credit Ryan took it all in stride.
Still, why have I blown through $20 worth of gas in two days, and why is my engine light on? Oh, I see, the gas caps gone loose. My car had farted out maybe $15 worth of gas all over the place, and triggered the engine warning light. Fabulous.
While at buffalo exchange, being paid the paltry sum of $3, I needed to show I.D.
In my wallet is a great fucking picture of Mariko*
The clerk sees it, she pulls the wallet close, spreads the plastic bits aside, and starts going on "Wow she's really pretty!" Me: "Yes, I miss her desperately." Her: "Gosh what a great photo, wow. " Me: "Uh huh." Her: "That's a hell of a skirt, she's gorgeous" Me: "Yes."
Unknown to the clerk, a very small package of nerves had grown fire axes and were tearing apart several large centers of self control in my brain
Thank you clerk, for letting me know that no one, not a single person in this town was going to buy these shirts in more than a piecemeal fashion. (The local big consignment shop wanted high class stuff, and a fucking TAX ID WHA TTHE FUVCH) and beyond that, driving home the empty spot in my life that is usually easy to ignore, but some days, like this, makes me want to retch and possibly cry at the same time.
Luckily I held it together and did not howl like a wounded animal until I got to the car.
Depressed, enraged, despairing over my own loneliness, lack of cash and happiness I started to head back home. This sort of self-centeredness would usually lead to guilt and dismissal of the emotional state, because, christ, this self pity was just foolish. When I got home I spoke to a nice woman out of San Antonio, who when I told her I was feeling comically angry; just stupidly, cartoonishly angry, she told me to use that anger. "Run around with a crowbar in just your boxer shorts or something"
So I did.
I'm running around a field half naked with a crowbar, smashing a DVD-drivethat has brought me sadness and anger recently. This is the woman who may come to town to see a Blonde-Redhead show with me, and in that case, I may get a chance to vomit on her stalker.
While I'm out there, yelling and awkwardly hitting this small target I get a call from Thomas. Hoooray! Perhaps if I had gotten this call earlier, socializing might have occurred earlier and perhaps I wouldn't be this rage-filled balloon of stupidity. Thomas invites me out for drinks, I tell him that I need to find pants.
The MP3 of me smashing the drive makes me sound very unhappy, just crazily unhinged. This is accurate. That odd ripping noise you hear is me yanking off my sandals, because if you're going to run around wearing very little smashing shit, you might as well wear as little as possible. I was in a hurry because the lamp and the night shot were active, and the battery was showing the warning lights. You do not hear the earlier "NIGHT SHOT MY ASS!" and assorted other bitching.
I get this call from Thomas and so I need to find pants.
I get back inside and this is when Mariko calls. I love speaking to Mariko. But we upset each other.
And she's talking about how I shouldn't feel guilty about dating other people, that she really cares about this guy, and I shouldn't feel bad. This is of course makes me feel TERRRRIBLE, HORRID
I say how happy I am for her (I am) and how I'm doing my best to find someone out here (I kind of am) and every time I start to get upset or choked up I think of how she's doing what she loves and how wonderful it is.. New subject, still concerning Tuesday. A couple weeks, fuck, weeks? More like a month or two ago I started looking for this stuff, this Substance D.
Guys to whom I was explaining all of this at a bar tonight: "What's substance D?" Me: "Don't worry, it's not important. For the purpose of this tale it's a McGuffin!" Yeah. Thanks Hitchcock. Dude named Austin: "Fuckin' A my man knows the McGuffin!" *knucks of respect*
Substance D was actually any number of different substances I was trying to acquire for a friend by hook or by crook. I went to guys who dealt with nastier elements, my closest thing to criminal contacts. These are the men who feared yellow lighters, religiously. Them: "Man it just seems every time someone got busted they were carrying a yellow lighter."
I went to drug dealers with nicknames who associated with crooked doctors and dirty 'script writers. I quizzed pre-med students, I went to friends in Canada. I went to pharmacies out of Canada only to have the shit mis-shipped. Of course. It's probably sitting in the dead letter office right now, which I found out is in Atlanta.
I called in chips, favors, when I hit my doctor's office the other day I polled them about this stuff too. Of the last two options, one was a scummy, probably scam, pharmacy. (Their motto, not a typo because it's in the page header graphics is "We are care about your health" which could have several, somewhat tortured, meanings.) Last week I had transferred money into my paypal account to use the Paypal one-shot credit card number service.
I had previously been in touch with Wonderlust who kept asking me questions I wasn't allowed to answer and kept accusing me of wanting to get high. At some point Wonderlust found that he did, in fact, know someone with this shit. Wonderlust: I swear you are using this shit for some kind of high Me: I am not. Me: How much? Me: And I do need that shit in the mail post-haste. Me: Yes. I am snorting them. Wonderlust: alright, alright. Me: The high is like being in love and orgasming Wonderlust: You're right, it's your business man. Wonderlust: I'm bloggin this shit though Wonderlust: I'm makin a new blog Wonderlust: "hilarious shit that came out of brendan's mouth today" Me: It is a total and complete satisfaction that can only come from being happy, working hard, doing what you love, and coming home to the embrace of a caring and wonderful partner. Me: Like making the world a better place Negotiations broke down over price however, as Wonderlust acted as proxy
Wonderlust: She seems unimpressed with your monetary offers Me: Last chance. Wonderlust: No deal! Me: Tell that bitch I hope she burns in fucking hell. Wonderlust: Do not pass go proceed directly to scam pharm Me: SCAM PHARMACY IT IS ...later, upon the failure of the scam pharmacy Me: BURN IN HELL YOU FUCKING GREEDY SHIT SUCK NUN FUCKING SKUNK RAPING WHORE
Something tells me that diplomatic relations will not be re-opened. The scam pharmacy had also failed, not wanting to accept my one-shot number. Fuck you then.
At this point I hit the bar, and the evening became a lot more tolerable. So ended my Tuesday. I want to somehow put in the part where Thomas is talking to me at the bar Thomas: "So the sex was good?"
Me: "Fuck man, my sex life was measured in Parsecs and Kelvin"
In any case, once I related the shit-storm at work, the fucking up with my family, the bizarre history of my relationship to Mariko, my total collapse of a proper social circle that evening, my quest for this stuff ending in fiery, angry ruin, my failure in the shirt business all at once, the adventure of smashing shit in a field, and the gaping maw of my loneliness, we were almost crying from laughter. Man, I feel so much better. Tomorrow is another story, I'm sure.
The previous week |1:32 AM|
Monday was utter crap last week. utter, utter crap. The A/C was still screwed up, I believe and my foot was killing me. Tuesday the A/C was fixed but my foot was still keeping me awake at night. That's a blast. As of monday I hadn't had a proper night's sleep in about a week or so, and for me that's 6 hours.
Cass's cat is still missing, dammit. Stupid cat. Nothing like a pet running off to ruin every day for you.
About monday at noon is when all that lack of sleep really caught up with me, repairs were taking forever at work, and the main thing on my mind was staple gun-ing the webbing on my hand to distract me from my foot. I was going to videotape it. I decided against it on grounds that it was stupid.
Tuesday wasn't much better*. At least I was able to get a little bit more sleep. Wednesday I decided this mood was total bullshit, and when I got home I changed, and ran as far and as fast as I could, full out sprinting like I used to back, geez, a decade ago. I ran until I couldn't breathe, and my legs were wobbly, forcing myself to go a bit further. I wandered back to my place, barely able to walk. I felt somewhat emo. I showered, and I shaved for the first time in days, un-mussed my hair, found some nice clothes and stopped being a bitching slug. Thursday I went over to investigate why Chris's goddamn NAT was (goddamn it) slowing down again, this time bringing a really hefty replacement. It was confusing me, that the netgear box had worked for a week, then slowed to a crawl. Turns out someone, after this first week, had left some unthrottled torrents going. I wanted the "AI AI AI" part of the theme to "The Good, The Bad, And the Ugly" to play as I made a dismissive hand gesture. Friday was prep for the barbeque, I think. Some of the prep at least.
Saturday was the BBQ. I would have liked it to be a bit more social, the primary activity ended up being watching Metalocolypse. Eh, I'll take care of the next party agenda. This time I was a little busy running the kitchen, chopping onions etc.
Sunday I saw "The Host" which was damned good, if very depressing.
Like I promised |1:28 AM|
A long, long time ago I attended E3, the Electronic Entertainment Expo. Many tales were created and I committed numerous fuck ups. Numerous.
But I did get to meet a guy for the first time, whose handle was/is TengenNewsEditor
Tengen, if I recall correctly, dated artfag for a while, a woman with whom I have a history. In any case the point of this post isn't so much about that, as it is about how we've changed in appearance over the years since.
Tengen Back then:
Tengen Now:
Me back then:
Me now
Tengen Back then:
Tengen Now:
Me then:
Me now (With hair that is too, too long. What the hell, hair?)
New years |3:32 AM|
Went out to a couple of events and parties. These guys put on some manner of "sky dancing" on the side of the Raddison, and it was pretty, but...not as impressive as such an undertaking might have been. While I understand how very difficult what they were doing was, it just didn't "move" me as other similar acts and performances have. It's hard to explain, exactly.
Not a lot of photos made the cut. Sorry. I take a shitload but I'm only ever happy with a couple, and there those that I judge tolerable. I took some movies with the camera, but they're a little large for public consumption and might trigger epileptic fits. (Footage of a strobe light)
Two Parties in December |2:05 AM|
I was at two parties in the last couple of weeks, and not a lot of pictures came out for either of them. I combined them into one gallery, to save hassle.
The first was a "Come as what you wanted to be when you grew up" party. My costume got buried under a bunch of crap in my car, so instead of dressing up as an astronaut, I have a new mop bucket. (Otherwise I was going to cut a hole in the side, wear it like a helmet). My friends and I met some good people, and played word games on the porch for most of the evening. It was casual and relaxed.
The second party was for a guy known as "The Neon Cowboy". I don't know much about this fellow, other than that he can throw a hell of a bash, and his pals include The Enigma and The Lizard Man.
The Chicago Trip |12:57 AM|
I went to Chicago on a day's notice a few weeks back. A nice, eventful trip. The first couple of photos depict when I showed up, and met up with the wedding party during some pre-event celebrations. I finally got to meet the groom, who seems like a nice guy, and treats Erin well. The family was thrilled to see me, and we nice enough to rent me a room at the inn. As I am not the "thank you" card type, I thanked them with a big damn box of chocolate. Damn, I need to send them a Christmas card.
Then I met up with Chris H. (Who just happened to also be in Chicago, and who I would see less than 48 hours later back in Austin), trying to get to second city. A train, a bus, and a lot of walking later, we got to see some mediocre comedy. Well, except for SHAH 2, which is funny for Chris and I, but not anyone else.
Later is the actual wedding, and since the light was so low, not a lot of pictures came out. Erin seems really happy with her husband, which is probably a good thing, since they'll be seeing each other a lot for the next lifetime or so. The whole shindig was well rehearsed, and went off without a hitch. I even managed to do some horrible dancing. I slipped out quietly.
Later that evening, I met up with John L. outside of a best buy to wait for the Nintendo Wii. Also present was his girlfriend, Krystl, who I hadn't seen in years. The last time I saw her, she had hair past her waist, and would only wear skirts, as Pentecostal women cannot wear pants, nor cut their hair. John and I ended up waiting quite a while, in increasingly cold air, then raining, then snowing. Information travels between these groups, these lines, (such as back during the Star Wars lines). Information like how many Wii's Best Buy had in stock (90) or how many Toys R. Us had (5, after all the pre-orders). We played bean bag related games, held each other's places in line, and generally pal'd around with a bunch of other nerds. At about 4 or 5 AM, John managed to find a Walmart that had 20 units that no one else seemed to know about, and instead of having to wait until 9am, we got the damn console at about 6. Those were an important 3 goddamn cold hours.
Thrown that...whatever |4:13 PM|
Here's video of me catching a damn boomerang. It figures that the day I decide to go get video proof of it, I can't find my belt and the wind sucks.
Another 'nother bullshit night in suck city |4:21 AM|
I can never read the book with the title "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City", as it could never live up to the name. Just like "The Dead Hate the Living" blew its load with the title.
When you last saw him pictured, Wonderlust was undergoing a mud dwelling savage related moment. The picture of him urinating in public, head lolling back as if it was missing a couple of important bones, right by a major road did not come out very well, sadly.
This shit is being mentally written in a coffee bar that Lust and I have stopped into so he can write some emails. I'm sitting here with dick all to do, which is fair, as I trapped him at a film related situation when he could have been purchasing whores or jerking off into cups or who knows what else. Right now I'm chewing off a hangnail and wishing there was more to watch on the street. Inside, at least, there are women who look like trouble. Dames, broads, skirts, they pass by. It has been agreed that this chick is a skirt.
Due to peer pressure, I wrote a marriage proposal myself to an old friend. Thing is, this woman hated marriage so goddamn much that I'm pretty sure I won't hear from her for at least 6 months now. The girl in question hated commitment like a fruit fly, she dumped me at least 5, perhaps 7 times. So, when you read this, darling girlfriend, don't worry.
I want comment that during this whole weekend, my gal, my main squeeze has been the nicest XX chromosome owner a guy could ask for. With all the talk of marriage, 'lust was pressuring me to lock her down, because I'm really not going to find a better girl. While he has some good, very good points on the matter, I'm sticking with the plan she and I agreed upon.
He did it again, just a few hours ago. Wonderlust, he proposed to a woman, a good friend of his. My relathionship to this woman is a corpse buried in the past, but from what I know of her I think they'd make a nice couple. Especially when they hit the sunset era, the rocking chair on a porch, viewing the daisies with lemonade years. He told me his pitch, his line, the string of words that might have expressed ideas. It's a good speech, a fine collection of convincing ideas.
The answer was a foregone conclusion, a tortured negative by his account, but Lust still seeks to bring down his personal house of Usher. He'd knock the retaining clip from a steamshovel bucket of rocks if it said "Marry SG? Pull rope." I admire his resolve. He did deliver a message or two for me. Whether or not he remembered to apologize on my behalf for the sins against America's Dairyland is really moot.
After email time was over, we hit the road, and listed off old flames. A few. 'lust compared one of mine to a monkey with cymbals, that could just make attention gathering noise. I defended myself by pointing out I wasn't hung up on her, all these years later, that I had just been dazzled a bit at the time. He has earlier commented on that friendship being a good and stabilizing force for that past tense girl. It's not like we were being huge dicks or anything. He did say my head was full of silt and gravel when I biffed the gate code a couple times, though, and it's been ages since I have been so insulted. My word, the nerve.
That brings us to now. I did want to write it down, before I forgot, that I told 'lust about a time in which I nearly chewed open the veins in my arms as to unleash them, to gather my life's blood into my belly so that I could project forth both bile and my needed humors into the eyes of a man, but stayed from this course of action because of a dame. The same dame he was trying to marry.
The wonderlust issue, the trashcan incident |8:14 PM|Wonderlust is in town. The mook finally managed to come to town and NOT cancel the trip at the last minute.
There have been a lot of idiotic jokes, a fair amount of driving, and sleep deprivation and we still have another couple of days. Right now, I don't have custody, as he's seeing SomeGirl. SomeGirl in relation to me can best be described as "I'm not talking to him." which is alright, I sinned in that church, pissed on the wrong floor, my actions were indefensible, and worse, were boring. Also, I owed Wonderlust some discretion, so I ditched him as requested and became just another vapor trail.
His plan was bold, I suppose. The right words for describing a marriage proposal are difficult to find. If challenged, I'd say finding the right chunk of old sea glass on a beach would be easier. Or maybe it's just that I'm writing this shit at 4am.
Before ditching Wonderlust to his fate, we had helped shop for trashcan punch related supplies with Cas. In a tiny Celica, with 3 people, a trashcan has very few places to fit. Not to mention the 12 oranges, crapload of strawberries, 20 liters of lemon lime soda, 12 cans of fruit juice, 2 bottles of vodka, and 2 bottles of everclear. I was clearing space in the back seat when Cas decided on jumping into the can itself, and insisted on being transported in this fashion. I braced the can as best I could, told her "The cops can't see you, or they'll pull us over", then covered her with a towel. I proceeded to drive at a level of careful classified as absurdly. A note on Cas, she has been near saint-like. On short notice she provided lodging to 'lust and really put up with our bullshit well. (like taking a picture of her blowdrying her hair at Mr. Lust's behest)
Shit went down, I wasn't present, I'm not one to comment on it, but Wonderlust did not become engaged that day. Luckily we had a trashcan full of booze and a backyard full of goddamn savages.
That's a lot of pictures of the dude from Portland, geez. As I am an egomaniac, I'd normally have pictures of myself, but none were flattering from this set.
Holy crap |3:34 AM|
I was trying to find some damn image and I came across an old vacation photo of myself. Goddamn, how did I not starve to death when I had to choose between rent and food?
I mean, I'm so skinny in this photo my ears look like microwave relay dishes.
That's zusty on the right, and an old friend on the left.
Compared to a slightly more recent image:
I've got one of myself at a party that shows off the gut I have managed to develop. (Wonderful.) Can't find it at the moment though.
Talent? |10:12 PM|
According to my girlfriend, I have a decent understanding of composition of images now. She was impressed at my analysis of this photo: (Click for larger) Notice, starting from the left, that the motion of the woman's hands carry your eye to the arm, which leads you to the next person on the couch, whose arms are parralel, pointing up to his face. The second line on him also includes his leg/knee which points you up to the woman on the right's odd sitting position. Her arms form a partial loop, which lead you up to her eyes, which are looking the same way as the woman on the left. A full loop.
Moments from the Star Wars Line |10:17 PM|
Here's just a quick post of a movie that was made while we were standing around Gateway cinemas. This was while we were projecting our movies onto the side of the theater in which we would later go watch Star Wars III. The video is me making fun of the "Jackass" style, in night vision. It involves someone using a bullwhip on me. They have a high enough skill level to spin my ass right around, and FAST.
Unexpected, Involuntary car modifications. |11:22 PM|
Ah, my glorious 2002 Celica GT.
It was suddenly modified the other day.
I was driving down the road, and I take a turn off of a ramp, I was hemmed in on one side by a car and a wall on the other. This is important to note, because I couldn't swerve. Just ahead, I see a black object in the road, lined up perfectly with one of my wheels. It looked like half of a plastic license plate holder, so I wasn't too worried about my inability to miss it. But when my tire hit it I heard a distinctly metallic CLANK CLANK GRIND
"FUCK!"
I think. "There goes something on my undercarriage"
I continue driving for a minute or two, and nothing seems to be wrong with the car. Steering, suspension, ok, I also performed the highly scientific "look behind the car to check if anything seems to be leaking out onto the road". Looks good. I continue on my merry way to my girlfriend's place. Near my destination, I hit a bit of a dip in the road and hear a similar GRIND GRIND GRIND.
"FUCK. One of my shocks is fucked!"
I park, get out, and begin a visual inspection of all 4 tires. Nothing. I look under the car on the driver's side. Nothing. I look under the car on the passen...what the FUCK is THAT?
That, that is a crowbar. Lodged in my car.
I managed to pull it out, with some effort. It had lodged itself in the rubber/plastic seal at the bottom of the door. I suppose I'm damn lucky it didn't veer in its flight path and hit, oh, I dunno, the oil pan, or the self-destruct button I put in last week.
Anyone else get things lodged in their car? It doesn't count if it was a homeless guy you left to die in your garage.
Replacement Items |11:27 AM| This is something I was working on in August, but haven't finished.
Things I would replace in and around my life.
My car: My corolla has seen some rough times, and I admit I have a certain attachment to it. But given a chance to swap it for just about anything newer. Especially a snazzy new Celica. I'd probably still want to add teeth, but no funny lights.
Given a chance, I'd probably stick some guns on it, spike the front wheels, turbo and install night vision windshield.
My current videocard leaves something to be desired. While that's not an accurate image of my current card, with the functionality I'm asking for from its outdated chipset, it might as well be.
I'm thinking about replacing it with this.
The BFG 6800 overclocked extreme turbo gold edition. Water cooling is optional. Requiring a 480 watt power supply, 2 of your HD power leads, an AGP slot and a PCI slot, this card is more powerful than your damn CPU.
About the only thing that could be better than this card would probably include a human brain.
A few other things I would replace will follow. Pinky Fellow Employees Domicile Weapon Toaster
Yes, yes |9:22 AM|
I've been a terrible blogger. Anyhow, as a quick insertion of post, I can show the failed images from my photo journal. The basic idea of a photo journal is that you carry a camera, and take pictures every hour to show what you did with your day. Since the day of the planned photojournal occurred during a work day, most of my images would have been, well,boring as shit.
I've included a couple here as well as some random images to amuse you, the reader.
The construction outside the offices is impressive, in that megalithic way.
This doofus had covered his car in idiotic stickers. He had a bumper sticker for "NOS", some car part manufacturers, a giant spoiler, and of course a type "R" sticker near the front wheel. He may have been joking, but notice he has bought and installed red calipers on his wheels. This is a sad, sad person.
Crab God |8:36 AM|
As I may have already mentioned, I purchased a crab. I purchased other fish for my fish tank, but for the moment the crab is getting most of my attention. He's kind of cute, for a horrid little monster. For a creature that so closely resembles an armored spider, I don't feel the same immediate aggression as I do towards actual, land based arachnids.
The crab in question is called a red claw crab, but that's about the limit on reliable information that I can find on this creature.
Crabs are a little below dogs and cats in the level of "cuddliness" they possess. It certainly doesn't help that I'm about (consult google for weight conversion) 700 times larger than he is. His current behavior when I open the tank is to scuttle into his hiding places. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as the crab has a cluster of nerve endings serving as a brain, and a long term memory of about 15 seconds. I suppose that for each crab, their life resembles the movie Memento. "So what am I doing? Scuttling...right. Scuttling." Of course, were they to get tiny tattoos to remind them of the meaning of their lives it surely wouldn't be one demanding revenge or the record of some terrible wrong. It'd probably just be "food tastes good". It must be quite the religious experience each day for the crab, when I walk up to its universe.
"Scuttle...scuttle...dig. Digging. Digging...scuttle. Pinch claws. Scutt...HOLY FUCKTOIDS WHAT IS THAT?.....Oh hey there's food here. Eat. Scuttle..."
The crab probably isn't ever going to see me as anything more than a terrifying god that can change space and time, so I'm not training him to sit up, beg, or roll over any time soon. I wasn't aware he could hang upside down in his little cave, but it's not like there's a quick command for that trick. Well, besides tapping on the glass and saying "Hey! You fuckin' crab!" but that would scare the crab and possibly kill it, wasting my $2.99 investment.
I am still amused at watching him eat. If you want to imitate a crab, just move your arms in such a way that your hands come to your mouth but your wrists stay straight. Do it slowly, as if the very action depresses the hell out of you.
I suppose I could try an put a leash on the crab, assuming it wouldn't just clip right through it. However, I think the whole process of me trying to walk the crab would be immensely stressful for said crustacean.
"Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head? What the HOLY JEEEEEESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?....Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head?...."
This cake is decadent beyond human understanding. It's the devil's food cake recipe from the Ghiradelli cookbook my parents keep stealing from me. Damn, it's marvelous. I may bake another while I still have the supplies. Portal did a fantastic frosting job on it, my frosting efforts always come out disasterous. I'll have to have her over again to frost the second one. She was impressed that I keep baking parchment paper on hand.
Going to Vegas |3:10 PM|
Update: Alright, I'm no longer diseased, now I'm waiting for all the photos to be collected. I'm going to type this thing up today, for anyone who is reading that is interested. Meanwhile, to keep you interested here are some videos. You'll need the Divx codec to watch them, and they're somewhat rough. I learned some more about video compression so I'm getting better at the whole "Rip and Compress" thing, but these were before that.
|10:43 PM|
Those ballbusting shits in I/T finally blocked "Blogger.com". I wonder why it was available so long. Was it because it was being used by someone in I/T? Or was it because Blogger started trying to become a "community" of its own, with profile pictures and interest lists and stupid shit like that? The existence of blogger was that of a publishing tool. The community could arise from that.
But more than likely, it was just some shithead in the group that controls the firewall that decided to pull the plug. Best part of 'em ran down his mothers leg.
Anyhow, this is amusing.
http://www.terminalpacketloss.com/hosted/trek.avi 30 megs or so. That's Vorpal on the far left, then myself, then Toby to my right (Who does not look like Meatloaf), Deathbear (Who can't hold his liquor) and finally Sulzanti (tastes like Oreos)
For reasons I don't understand, there is a certain joy in the idea of a dinosaur flying a kite:
Here are some images I made out of Calvin and Hobbes comics that I may or may not have already posted. The dance image was interesting to create in that the original strip lacked clear borders between frames, and in fact lacked an equal number of Calvins and Hobbes.
Edit: I found the image in question, and I'll link to it here as long as no one tells Mr. Watterson. Dance. Notice that on the first and second lines, there are unequal numbers of Calvins, and Hobbes. The whole idea of separate frames is abandoned. From reading his last book, Bill Watterson loved to experiment with his strip, abandoning certain format conventions to the (deliberate)consternation of comics page editors. I could go on and on but if you're interested in such things, take a look at "Understanding Comics" by Scott McCloud, or read Watterson's last book. Sheesh, the previous paragraph could have been shortened to "When I was stealing Watterson's images, and turning it into a short animation, I had to edit and re-use some of the note graphics, as well as re-arrange the Calvins to make proper frames due to his stylistic choices."
After Calvin has transmogrified himself into a Tiger: It also works as a general "Huh?" type image.
Clubbing and kittens |2:55 AM|
Just got back from downtown. I went out with Allison and Sabrina, who were celebrating a graduation for one and a birthday for the other. Outside the Flamingo Cantina Allison and I ran into the cutest damn kitten. Yeah, I'm a big sap for posting images of some baby cat, but the little guy enthralled my group for 10 minutes.
Should a unit of measure be invented for cuteness, watching this orange kitten rub itself on the chin of the door guy would be off the charts. It crawled around his neck, looking for warmth and a friendly nipple. He was pleased to know the kitten had a home, and had been amused by how much oohing and ah-ing there had been so far.
Also, it's looking likely that I'm heading to Vegas in mid July. I managed to get the time off of work, I should easily have the cash, and Will and Rissa seem interested in going as well. The trip is Vorpal's idea, but I'm becoming more receptive to it as time passes. Why would I hesitate in going to Vegas? It's a long story, but it involves dorkiness on a grand scale. I'll post my response to the situation soon enough, I have to figure out what it is first.
I delayed the purchase of the Celica until next paycheck, so I could be sure to afford food and gasoline afterward. This has turned out to be an excellent choice as I have now found out a friend of mine is an excellent negotiator. As I may have mentioned in the past, I despise haggling. Give me a damn price, and I'll pay it or I won't. His attitude is that for just speaking to us, the salesman should be taking $1,500 off the price of the car. This fellow is positive he can get the car for well under what I was expecting, along with the tax, title, and license. Bitchin'.
All hail responsible decision making. I'm still going to have scary teeth painted onto the front. Perhaps I should a vanity license plate as well. It'd have to be a fully spelled word, though. None of this "2gud4U" crap, which makes me want to hit other cars.
Do you know me? Then you've likely already seen this image |9:53 AM|
If you've had any contact with me in the last several weeks, then you've seen my welding Goggles. If you were online last night then you were sent the following version of that image made by a poster on SA. Well, I think it's nifty and it's possible someone out there hasn't seen it. So here it is: (Click for a bigger, better version)
What did you do at 5am? I made PocketPC themes |1:06 PM|
I was messing around with PocketPC themes, and I had some difficulty making good ones. I have plenty of interesting images, or pictures of attractive women, or surreal/extraordinary photos, but few of them make good themes. They have to have a consistent color so you can choose the right text color. That sort of thing. After a couple failed attempts, the following are the two with which I am happy. My themes have the advantage of using copyrighted artwork. Click the images to download them, but since I'm the only person that reads this blog that uses a handheld, I don't think many people will click them.
PortalStar would like to say... |2:05 AM|
Guest Speaker PortalStar:
Heeloo everyone it ist my 21st irthday and I am dvunk. I havbe theyy Brenceceil to hthank for that. And fados and red fexz but no t boyxz cellar because they cahrge cover. I am happy. I am intociscated. Have a happy one. Yes/.
Stupid Shit you do with stolen goods |6:27 PM|
I still have this stolen bank capsule. As pictured below, it makes a crappy hat. But Vorpal and I tried to find something to do with it last night.
I used it to pay for a late meal and made a "Fwoomp" noise while giving it to the waitress. (I tipped her well). Fwoomp 7 megs
The capsule was taken to the pharmacy with "Prozac" written on it and I complained that I wasn't that depressed. The video of that is a little big so until I or Vorpal has edited it down, I give you a video of me trying to pogo-stick after eating WAY too much pizza. No vomitting, I'm sorry. (7 megs)
It's functionality as a soapbox was tested, I tried to recite the Gettysburg address before FAILURE. soapbox 756K
We filled it with glow sticks and a ninja turtle but that kind of sucked.
Wreindeer Games |1:12 AM|
I had to get Vorpal a gift and properly show my appreciation for all his hard work. (Drinking).
So I broke into his pad with a key he'd lent me about a year ago or so. I can't keep my bills paid but I can hold onto a key I don't need but once a year.
His gift is still a suprise because I left the damn thing at Portal's place when I was making the wrench reindeer. I just left him some books he'd left in my car. Merry Fucking Christmas.
Portal isn't a big fan of my car shaving. I only do it at intersections and stops, though.
Here we are investigating the weird thing (Photo is enhanced-ish) on top of the parking garage I used to like. Vorpal is either synch-ing his watch or belching loudly. Rissa looks towards the object, wondering "What is it venting?"
Last night I won a poker tourney netting me $50 in gift certificates to Fado's. It's an Irish pub in town. I took first, and it was free, so I think it was a good deal. Nice, friendly amateurs. The term, I believe, is "Berry patch".
I parked my car across 2 handicapped spaces, shooting for 3. I quickly moved my car. It was a Saturday, so don't get in a fluff.
|2:18 AM|
An old friend of mine is bitching (rightfully so) that I didn't update when I said I would. Another friend is pissed that I didn't tell him I was going to Phoenix, even though I thought I had. Especially since there were movie tickets involved.
Anyhow, I'm in Phoenix, sitting on a computer at 1:30 am. I should probably cut out my own heart for being such a dork, but transportation options are limited, as I flew out here. An earlier conversation with Vorpal degenerated into him asking me if I was in Phoenix, and if I had a bed yet. Since I had to say "no" to the bed question, I fell back to taunting him about his girlfriend being even farther away from him then I was at the time. It was a cruel fight. Then we started claiming how ach other's girlfriend could beat up the others, which is luckily the point that Vorpal declared he was about to go get drunk and ended the call.
While at Jamba juice today, remarkable sightings were made. High school seniors in the new mandatory uniforms on a lunch break: schoolgirls1s.jpg schoolgirls2s.jpg
Yes, I took pictures of school girls. Sue me.
Here's the more important pictures, though. This guy's girlfriend had an incredible hair dye job. It was impressive, and she wasn't too bad looking. The guy then got in his car, a rust bucket, but I then realized it looked an awful lot like my dream car, a 57 DeSoto. desoto1s.jpg desoto2s.jpg Sulzanti and I discussed it, and we agreed he was living the dream. The next day (today) I saw him the same couple drive by. I wouldn't have thought it was them if not for the dyed hair. Sulz thinks she's the spoils of war, that he's my arch enemy. I have to say, my Nemesis (Spotts) is still no where to be found, but I don't think it was him...
Here my girlfriend humors me by taking a picture of me being attacked by a giant spider. spider2s.jpg
A while ago, a very close friend made me a necklace, to this day I still wear it when I get a chance. I'd been trying to find something to wear around my neck to hold a talisman of some kind. I'd settled on steel chain but I hadn't purchased it by the time I was to leave. PortalStar, as a good luck charm, gave me a ring. I had a talisman, I had a necklace. I combined them. necks.jpg I didn't think anyone would notice, but the guy at the sushi buffet commented on good it looked, and I was able to say it was all hand made. (The ring, so far as I know, was made by Portal, if not then by the guy I buy my rings from). He was impressed at the craftmanship of both, apparently.
Did she just say "twat"? |11:02 AM|
Over the weekend I went with Portal, a friend of hers named Stefanie(Next to portal), and a guy who's handle I haven't come up with yet. I'll just call him "K" because his name starts with that. Oh, before I forget, K works for a game company, which means I envy him to a certain extent. However, he his company has been working on the same game for the last several years which means I can taunt him. I attempted to interview him about this game, without violating his NDA.
That was the sum total of the interview. Had I pressed the issue, I'm sure he would have fashioned a crude weapon from water ride parts and murdered me. K is a programmer, working on gameplay and "Low level physics stuff". He's a cool fellow, so I hope the game gets out the door, and the whole game industry is forced to eat crow.
Since no-one really reads this blog that could fire the guy, I feel safe in posting an image of him looking dead. Another image of Stefanie. After the water park, here is a Group Shot.
While at Portal's house, her step-mother was arguing with Portal's younger sister about her selection of jeans. We were all trying to be polite about why they were too tight. At the end of her rope, her step-mother yells "She means she can see your twat!", shocking me into silence. The sister got the message and ran off to go change. Here is the Groin in question.
I guess it was just so shocking to hear this otherwise proper-to-a-fault woman using language that I am slow to use. I of course, still often shock Portal with my cursing. This same woman (the one that shocked me) kicked me out of the house because I was going to be alone with Portal. We just wanted to (dorkily enough) play a videogame. The step-mother thought we wanted to have sex. Portal has her own apartment, if we wanted to be alone, we'd just go there. Such logic was lost on the step-mother, but she was still throwing around twat.
People who appreciate the pirate joke will appreciate this.
I've been listening to requiems. |1:32 AM|
Continuing my habit of posting images of myself, I will now post a pair of images that I think compliment each other very well. Both were taken by PortalStar, outside of "Rowdy Town" during a car smash party.
The song of the moment is this version of Dies Irae. This is an edited clip, from the first minute and a half of a much longer version. The name of it is "Dies Irae (Requiem)". Trillian asked me if I listened to many requiems, and at that point I realized that I did. I responded that my selection of classical music has to be "Sweeping, emotional, angry, powerful. I'm listening to the music to be moved to action, rarely anything else. "
My wheelchair weighs 2 tons. |11:50 AM|
I'm off the crutches, already. So much faster this time, than the last. I was back onto the foot as soon as possible, ignoring most of the pain, taking advil and icing it as need, and I healed more quickly. In injury situations, you might want to ask yourself "What would a hunter-gatherer do?". This is not an acceptable course of action for most other day-to-day events, such as interacting with the bank ("Stab with flint") or most doors in buildings ("Stab with bigger flint").
I still carry a crutch around, just in case the pain gets to be intolerable, but that's happening less and less now. PortalStar's cousins were still in town last night, along with one of their girlfriends. I used them to model pictoz.com shirts, so I finally have advertising material. With a price sheet, adverts, and almost some kind of plan, I'm ready to relaunch that goddamn site.
Last night, before we tried going to lasertag (Closed) then bowling (closed) then the arcade (Dorky, but succesful), Portal had us all try out some odd hair dyes and gels. It was amusing, and the hair styles we end up with were imaginative, if nothing else.
I look pretty swell with blue hair, but you can't tell from these image: Blue Hair
|1:45 PM|Bar: Met up with a couple friends at a bar. Picture is Allison and Sabrina. My hair has already melted, so no spikes in this image. concertlegs:This woman had really nice legs, and interesting stockings. So Allison and I convinced her to let us take a picture of her. She was a bassist in the previous band. painting: This painting had apparently showed up out of the blue at The Mercury 3 nights before I showed up. I was interested in it but the bartender had not other info than that. oopspants: I was taking a picture of RockStarCasey and Vorpal right as Casey was noticing a rip in his pants. Whoops. friendzone: Vorpal and I had to educate a woman on what the "Friend Zone" was. She had no idea.
The party: A celebration of Piss Chugging |12:27 AM|
Quite a few months ago, Vorpal was drafted into service to the cause of making an asshole drink piss. Vorpal went to quite a bit of effort, including pissing into a measuring cup, straining out ice, yadda yadda. In the end, the jerk off thought he was drinking a new, chilled bottle of beer. Contents: Vorpal Urine.
At this party, we had prior warning of the asshole's arrival. A plan was set in motion, involving the previous incident's preparation (The chilling of piss, among other things) and the organization of a beer chugging contest. The contest was a sham, it was all meant to get the guy to not only drink urine, but to chug it.
You can see the video of him doing it here: No sound version of piss chugging The video with sound and commentary (As well as an interview with mister Piss tongue in which I'm standing behind him with a sign that says "PISS!" and making drinking gestures) will be up in the near future.
Before you feel bad for the guy, realize that he was an asshole. A telling quote: "I don't fuck 'em and leave 'em! I fuck 'em, fuck 'em again, and then leave 'em! HAR HAR!" Anyhow, his new nickname is "2.0".
Speaking of piss, I "won" a metaphorical pissing match. Portal happened to see this, and thought it was cute. I was walking from the kitchen with a coke in my hand, when a fantastically drunk party-goer stood in front of me. He pointed out that my drink was non-alcoholic.
Cecil: "I'm a designated driver." Drunk: "So?" Cecil: "I'm taking 5 people home." Drunk: (Becoming more confrontational) "So?" Cecil: "I'm not drinking."
That's when he began fumbling at his pocket and making vague "Why should I let you not drink?" statements, as well as something to the effect of "What are you going to do about it/this?" His body language had started to take on an air of "I want to fight." I assumed he had a weapon at that point, so while staring him down I did something stupid. I said "Because I'm trained in a variety of ways to kill you."
That's when he pulled the knife. Not looking at the knife, and locking eyes with him, I said "Why don't you put the knife away?" Which could have been easily translated as "You have now threatened me with a weapon. You have crossed a line, and if I feel like it, I will put that knife into your eye."
He hesitated, broke eye contact, and then put the knife away. I offered my hand for a shake, to show no hard feelings, and to express dominance. Pulling a weapon really steps over a line, but no one needed to be stabbed. Vorpal's brother would have been pissed if I got blood on his floor. Despite the knife, Portal thought the whole situation was "cute" in a "really stupid testosterone way" (Not a quote).
I may have mentioned Punk Rock Girl in the past. She's the one with the forked tongue, of which I now have pictures. As the party wound down, Vorpal and I executed a stunning job of lay-enabling for our pal Rockstar Casey (with Punk Rock Chick being the target, of course). I managed to extract her from her current ride, make sure she was riding with my group, and get her and Casey to his car. It was like a ballet, but with more sex at the end.
After dropping off Casey and Punk Rock at his car, I was driving Portal home. On the side of the road were some folks pushing a car and waving for assistance. Forgetting for a second that I had someone in the car with me, I pulled over. Long story short, I'm now the new owner of a gas can, as the nearest gas station wouldn't lend me one, they'd only sell it to me. I helped the stranded folks without endangering Portal, and I now can carry up to a FULL EXTRA GALLON of gasoline in my trunk. It's tough to do the good Samaritan actions when you won't trust the people you're helping. I didn't let them ride in my car (I wouldn't have even if Portal hadn't been in the car) and I didn't want to leave Portal in the car while I helped push their vehicle up the hill. In the end, buying them a can of gas was the safest route. Gas can, beer tap, jumper cables. I'm a traveling solution, baby.
Succesful Geo-caching. |4:11 PM|
Videodrome, PortalStar and I went Geocaching yesterday. Damn, what a great hobby, dorky and outdoorsy at the same time. We hunted down a fake bird, and climbed a mininature mountain. We traded trinkets for baubles, and ran into a fellow geocacher. Despite my yells to Videodrome of "Kill him...KIIIILLLL HIM!" There was no bloodshed. Well, besides the insect bites.
Vid has a couple images he's archiving, I'll post some links when he's got them uploaded.
I had a good, relaxing time. I spent a great deal of time in the pool, and eating. My back is red, and itching, from the massive sunburn. With any luck what's left of my skin will tan, so I won't look quite as pale as I usually do.
Saw a couple movies, enjoyed a 4th of July barbeque, spent time shooting the shit with good people, it was a busy trip.
Most of the really amusing stuff is portrayed in the pictures. You don't bother taking a picture when you're relaxing and contemplating existence. When I go to Arizona, I can get far enough away from my normal life to gain insight. It's much easier to make logical and rational decisions when you aren't as intimately connected to a situation, or person. In order to escape yourself, you need to escape all the normal parts of your life. Very little drama erupted during my time. I did my best not to polarize the social groups, but it's clear that it was occurring without my help.
I did start to miss Portalstar quite a bit, so I was glad to get back into town. Once home, I began missing the friends I had visited. I found myself looking for them while walking around my own home, until I caught and chided myself. Seeking behaviour comes naturally to me, and I have to supress it.
I'm feeling more of my sense of humor returning, and I'm making other folks laugh again. I don't think I did anything particularly boneheaded while I was in Arizona, but I'm sure I'll hear about it if I did.
The following is an outline to help me jog my own memories.
AZ trip: Wedensday was arrival. Chris's strange project. Thursday was T3 Friday was big BBQ Saturday was Charlie's Angels 2 Sunday was the mall and game works Monday I departed
I am a capitalist scumbag |8:45 AM|
Went with Portal out to "First Thursday" which is a street party-esque event down on South Congress. The stores stay open a lot later, there's live music, street performers, merchants, craftsman, and famous transvestites that are running for mayor.
Parking is a bit of a bitch, but I managed to find a really nice spot. It was adjacent to another parking space that was being vacated as I parked. Right as I get out of my car, this enormous bus pulls up. The people inside yell "Hey! If we give you $10 will you find some place else to park?". I took their money (as Portal rolled her eyes), moved my car, and quickly found another place to park. I tried to give the money back but they told me to keep it. "Dude, you helped us, dude!". The bus was completely covered in Paul Frank type art. Before I noticed the Paul Frank stuff, I had asked them if they were a band of some kind. They claimed to be part of "Road Rules", so I suddenly didn't feel as guilty taking their money (I somehow doubt the veracity of that statement). Damn reality shows.
I met a guy playing a didjeridu, and we discussed proper playing technique. He taught me a few tricks to try for learning "circular breathing" which is the key to that instrument. He didn't have a hat out, he said he hadn't brought it this time, that he was just out there doing it for fun. Nice fellow. Portal claims I'm really good with strangers, to which I have no real reply. I might jokingly suggest that I'm not afraid of stranger danger, because said strangers should be much more afraid of my unpredictable self.
This lighter is terrifying to a pair of gamblers with whom I play poker. I have no idea, but they both seem quite afraid of it, and told me to get rid of it as soon as possible. Also, one of them specified "Whatever you do, just don't throw it onto your bed". Seeing as I don't have a bed at the moment, I'll avoid throwing it onto my couch. Wait, what am I saying? I'm going to try hiding it around one of these guy's houses. Actually, since my roommate is dating one of them, I may hide it on her bed before the two of them get home. I'll get to the bottom of this one way or another.
If you happen to know why the heck I should be afraid of a yellow lighter, please let me know.
The damn webcam portal is broken. Here is an exciting image of me.
13 days until International Vampire Meetup day. I'm abandoning Vid's axe murder idea in favor of going undercover. I'm thinking of investing in a digital camcorder. The Sony that my uncle just bought rules an inordinate amount of ass, and even has the nightshot feature. Very cool if I start creeping around places at night. If I do purchase a digital camcorder, I'll be taking it to this "Meetup Day" for documentation purposes. It should be amusing, and I wonder if I should wear plastic fangs? What are the rules of vampire etiquette? Should I be excited by the movie "Underworld" or offended by it? Do I bring my own blood, or do I bring cash to pay the person who does? If I brought a hip flask of pig's blood, how many people could I get to drink it? Ruffles, how many ruffles should I have on my shirt?
Now that I feel less like crap |10:13 AM|
Waking up at 9am on Sunday, spending the day at Kraussy springs, hanging out all night with the girlfriend, working all day monday, getting 2 hours of sleep only to go to work again, and I now have my answer to "Why do I feel like crap?". I'm feeling a lot better, amazing what 6 hours of sleep can do for a person. I was spacing out terribly last night, and I could barely hold a conversation with Portal. She's awfully patient with me when she needs to be. Yes, I was very careful driving home. It wasn't like monday morning where I was slapping myself in the car to stay awake. I think I was actually far more tired after sleeping for 2 hours then I was later in the day after work, but far more mentally drained. Awwww crap. The cable guy just called my cell. I just remembered that I left the old modem at the old apartment. Shit. I hope he can at least turn the damn thing on for me, I can handle the rest. Shit shit.
As far as being declared a "playa". I was pulling into Shortstop (A burger joint that I'm a fan of, for those outside Austin) and the guy at the window suddenly recognized me. I had been going to Shortstop for ages, and it was only today that the entire staff suddenly remembered who I was. Window guy: "Hey! It's the playa!" Me: "Playa?" Window Guy: "How you doin'? Haven't seen you in a while!" Me: "Yeah, working more hours." Window guy: (To another coworker): "It's the playa!" (to me) "You eat here a lot." Me: "Cheap and tasty!" Window Guy: "Hell yes. Best burgers in the area!" (To a guy on lunch break across the parking lot) "This guy is a playa!"
I have no idea what any of it means. But it was an ego boost. Oh, a guy who's opinion I respect said I'd always been straight with him. That made me feel damn good, it's not like I'm going to go marry the guy, but it was like a handshake after a good party. The guy has always been straight with me, as well, so I knew he was telling the truth.
|2:07 PM|
As Will/Dante requests, I have more pictures. Like of Portal not hurting me. I was at the grocery store, foraging for ingredients when I came across The most disturbing cereal box I have seen in ages. The EYES.
Messing around in photoshop yielded this this odd image.
Long dark tea time. |4:55 PM|
At about 1:30pm here it freaking DIED. The work day was crawling along at the speed of mammal evolution. So I played with my digital camera. Maybe you'll be amused, maybe not. For your consumption. There might be rain in my office. My Gosh! The chairs! They must long for the pitter patter of tiny ottomans. A trashcan. That one was by request. Eeesh. That's me with the teeth of Sue the T-Rex. Cone hat. Also by request. The hat is better displayed here. Cone hat 2. My expression is better in this picture. Auctioning my stapler to invisible men that live in my desk.
I've been offline since Friday, but some interesting things happened over the weekend. What I'll do is make posts about them, so you can see them beneath this post at the times they actually occurred. Continuing the trend of documenting Haley's hair colors, I bring you: Haley Hair 1 and Haley Hair 2.
Here are pictures from under my desk. Here's another. Yes, I am a big dork. But I bring these images to you for almost a reason. I had forgotten that ages ago I had abused my color laser printing ability and printed out pin-up art and taped it down there. Totally forgotten about that, but it's still there. Blurred out for a variety of reasons.
|11:14 PM|Vorpal had his official graduation on friday. I was damned busy while moving, and several of Vorpal's other friends were occupied, like leaving town. Vorpal seemed bummed about the lack of celebration. AcidsCraze, Dante, and I suprised Vorpal at his apartment with gifts and cards. I believe mine was a blank sunflower card, with a picture of a snake drawn in Strong Bad style (S and more different S) with "OMG SNAKE LOL". We got him to dress up in his robes, though. He felt enough gratitude at our outpouring of love and generosity to don his silly costume. Vorpal Robes And Again
|10:25 AM|This post has finally been edited to include the images I promised. I'll take this time to post images from the camera of various animals and other creatures I ran into recently.
Outside Korea house (Which has excellent Sushi) There were toads, singing to each other.
The next morning, Portal and I went out for breakfast at Magnolia Cafe, which is a nice (sometimes) place to purchase French toast. While wandering around outside, we came across a baby grackle that had apparently jumped out of the nest. We didn't want to touch the little guy since it was possible momma or poppa was watching, and waiting to get him back.
Later that evening we saw the LadeeLeroy show. The posters were neato, but we were unable to snag one of them. I spoke to LL and she said that she had to end up stealing one herself from a coffee shop she frequents. She gave me permission to go gank one from where ever I could.
This is a picture of the view I have out my window at my new apartment. It's a solid brick wall, which can be described as "cozy". Portal says she might paint me a sky. I've got two windows, so I'll probably put the sky in one and leave the other cozy. More details as they emerge.
The chicken caper |4:06 PM|You know how I said I'd edit this to include pictures? Well I left the damn pictures in PortalStar's dorm room because I'm an idiot.
I got attacked by a chicken, kind of. I was at a petting zoo at a hotel and a rooster got loose
I followed it, a security guard, and a desk guy followed it with me. We tried to corner it a couple times, but despite having a brain the size of a pencil eraser, it was adept at getting away. At one point we had it cornered under a desk. We had the little bastard. And so Mr. Chicken sees: A security guard, hardened by several brutal rate disputes, desperate for combat. A front desk jockey, fully misanthropic, praying for the death of customers or himself. ...and some jack ass in a polo shirt and khakis saying "Here rooster rooster rooster!" He charged me, the least threatening, from under the desk. He bonked me in the forehead on his way by, and try to slip around me in the confusion. I had my hands on him as he scuttled by, but I didn't want to break his widdle wings.
His cute, widdle chicken wings. So I let go, and he ran past me.
That's when it gets even weirder.
This little kid had been watching from a distance. In his hand he was carrying a small leaf, delicately pinched between two fingers. When the rooster made a break for it, he walks right up to it. Instead of running, the bird freezes in place. The kid walks up, taps the rooster with the leaf, and says "I gotchoo wooster! I gotchooo now!" At this point, said rooster just stands there for the guard to pick him up.
I have no idea why the 2 volt brain of the rooster decided that the tiny waddling kid was a safe thing, or why it decided to hang around after being tapped gently with a leaf. However, he was soon back behind bars.
I enjoyed the film "Bulletproof Monk", and though it's not the best movie I've ever seen, it's certainly not the worst. Something to note, the cut right before Chow Yung Fat says "Corn pops" implies a late decision regarding sponsorship.
This past Tuesday's swing dancing class is worth noting, as they taught us our first turn. Portal was somewhere between shocked and flabbergasted when she found out I had learned the turn. She really needs to work on her poker face, as she gave herself away when I asked "Did you not believe me when I told you I had learned it?".
This wonderful bit of acting is from Archive.org apparently. The clip is from a film about the dangers of kidnapping. I really felt the pang of loss when she casually slumps over the couch and shakes her butt at the policeman.
