Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Correction and bad editing |4:09 PM| I do not actually throw captive flys at passersby. That was a typo. It should have read "Passing members of the GOP".
I regret the confusion.
(1) comments
Monday, May 19, 2008
Late Fees |7:18 PM| I went to the local library today, two of them actually. While the Texas library system has vast, dizzying, truly giddying resources, these local examples instilled in me the desire to go donate my entire personal library to them*. All the books I sought were present at far flung branches, or if there were entries for these books at the local branch, said books had been stolen.
It was like browsing a well picked over Half Price Books, there wasn't depth to the catalog, and yet there were truly bizarre components. Example, they had "Catch-22" by Heller, but not "Picture this" or "Something Happened", yet they had a 12-20 volume DVD collection called "The Historic Hotels of America".
I do not wish to say the trip was a negative one, far from it. I've got holds on books at other branches now, they let me check things out for 3 weeks, and I'm staggered at the books and other media available to me, as long as I'm willing to drive to the larger branches. I wandered up and down the aisles for ages, whittling down my selections, since I was allowed to check out only 2 items on my first day.
Man, I want to go volunteer there, maybe have some fund raisers so that their media section is not a couple of Sealab 2021 DVDs, a single volume of "Roots" and an audio book of "The Da Vinci Code"
(1) comments
Flys |6:41 PM| I am not a fan of flys. Anything with a nervous system and reflexes faster than my own is already treading in my psychological niche, and I can count on one hand friends of mine who are egg laying carrion eaters. I fucking hate it when I sneak up on one of the flying disease pods and try to bring the paper towel pain just to watch it flit off.
The point of this post though, is to spread some knowledge I picked up a long time ago, on how to catch a fly in your bare hand. Why I am far more able to catch the little bastards than I am to flat out kill them is beyond me. Are they shocked that a human is willing to touch them? (assuming they have poor self image) As I was able to demonstrate this past Saturday at Justina and Robbie's graduation bar visit, even with a shot of awful whiskey in me I am still able to use this technique.
-Get close to the fly, this is the hard part. This is easiest when the fly is on a flat surface like a table, but I can catch them (usually) even if they're on an angled surface such as last night when the bastard was on the side of a big bowl.
-Flies jump straight up before they actually start flying, this is the key.
-Sweep your arm in as fast as you can at a point an inch or two above where the fly is currently. Do not try to adjust, aim, or react. Just flail that arm like you're cracking a big bony whip.
-The fly, startled by your lunatic movement will jump up, not fly in a random direction.
-While you flail close your fingers right after the point where your palm should have connected with the fly. Do not check to see if you caught it, you'll have felt it, you'll know.
-At this point I usually say "HA!" and then throw the fly against the nearest wall or passerby.
-Wash your hands.
This only takes a little practice, and is mostly about the confidence of your swing and the suppression of your "ick" sense.
(0) comments
Correction and bad editing |4:09 PM| I do not actually throw captive flys at passersby. That was a typo. It should have read "Passing members of the GOP".
I regret the confusion.
(1) comments
Monday, May 19, 2008
Late Fees |7:18 PM| I went to the local library today, two of them actually. While the Texas library system has vast, dizzying, truly giddying resources, these local examples instilled in me the desire to go donate my entire personal library to them*. All the books I sought were present at far flung branches, or if there were entries for these books at the local branch, said books had been stolen.
It was like browsing a well picked over Half Price Books, there wasn't depth to the catalog, and yet there were truly bizarre components. Example, they had "Catch-22" by Heller, but not "Picture this" or "Something Happened", yet they had a 12-20 volume DVD collection called "The Historic Hotels of America".
I do not wish to say the trip was a negative one, far from it. I've got holds on books at other branches now, they let me check things out for 3 weeks, and I'm staggered at the books and other media available to me, as long as I'm willing to drive to the larger branches. I wandered up and down the aisles for ages, whittling down my selections, since I was allowed to check out only 2 items on my first day.
Man, I want to go volunteer there, maybe have some fund raisers so that their media section is not a couple of Sealab 2021 DVDs, a single volume of "Roots" and an audio book of "The Da Vinci Code"
(1) comments
Flys |6:41 PM| I am not a fan of flys. Anything with a nervous system and reflexes faster than my own is already treading in my psychological niche, and I can count on one hand friends of mine who are egg laying carrion eaters. I fucking hate it when I sneak up on one of the flying disease pods and try to bring the paper towel pain just to watch it flit off.
The point of this post though, is to spread some knowledge I picked up a long time ago, on how to catch a fly in your bare hand. Why I am far more able to catch the little bastards than I am to flat out kill them is beyond me. Are they shocked that a human is willing to touch them? (assuming they have poor self image) As I was able to demonstrate this past Saturday at Justina and Robbie's graduation bar visit, even with a shot of awful whiskey in me I am still able to use this technique.
-Get close to the fly, this is the hard part. This is easiest when the fly is on a flat surface like a table, but I can catch them (usually) even if they're on an angled surface such as last night when the bastard was on the side of a big bowl.
-Flies jump straight up before they actually start flying, this is the key.
-Sweep your arm in as fast as you can at a point an inch or two above where the fly is currently. Do not try to adjust, aim, or react. Just flail that arm like you're cracking a big bony whip.
-The fly, startled by your lunatic movement will jump up, not fly in a random direction.
-While you flail close your fingers right after the point where your palm should have connected with the fly. Do not check to see if you caught it, you'll have felt it, you'll know.
-At this point I usually say "HA!" and then throw the fly against the nearest wall or passerby.
-Wash your hands.
This only takes a little practice, and is mostly about the confidence of your swing and the suppression of your "ick" sense.
(0) comments
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