Crab God |8:36 AM|
As I may have already mentioned, I purchased a crab. I purchased other fish for my fish tank, but for the moment the crab is getting most of my attention.
He's kind of cute, for a horrid little monster. For a creature that so closely resembles an armored spider, I don't feel the same immediate aggression as I do towards actual, land based arachnids.
The crab in question is called a red claw crab, but that's about the limit on reliable information that I can find on this creature.
Crabs are a little below dogs and cats in the level of "cuddliness" they possess. It certainly doesn't help that I'm about (consult google for weight conversion) 700 times larger than he is. His current behavior when I open the tank is to scuttle into his hiding places. This doesn't surprise me, seeing as the crab has a cluster of nerve endings serving as a brain, and a long term memory of about 15 seconds.
I suppose that for each crab, their life resembles the movie Memento. "So what am I doing? Scuttling...right. Scuttling." Of course, were they to get tiny tattoos to remind them of the meaning of their lives it surely wouldn't be one demanding revenge or the record of some terrible wrong. It'd probably just be "food tastes good".
It must be quite the religious experience each day for the crab, when I walk up to its universe.
"Scuttle...scuttle...dig. Digging. Digging...scuttle. Pinch claws. Scutt...HOLY FUCKTOIDS WHAT IS THAT?.....Oh hey there's food here. Eat. Scuttle..."
The crab probably isn't ever going to see me as anything more than a terrifying god that can change space and time, so I'm not training him to sit up, beg, or roll over any time soon. I wasn't aware he could hang upside down in his little cave, but it's not like there's a quick command for that trick. Well, besides tapping on the glass and saying "Hey! You fuckin' crab!" but that would scare the crab and possibly kill it, wasting my $2.99 investment.
I am still amused at watching him eat. If you want to imitate a crab, just move your arms in such a way that your hands come to your mouth but your wrists stay straight. Do it slowly, as if the very action depresses the hell out of you.
I suppose I could try an put a leash on the crab, assuming it wouldn't just clip right through it. However, I think the whole process of me trying to walk the crab would be immensely stressful for said crustacean.
"Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head? What the HOLY JEEEEEESUS CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?....Hey, what's going on, what's this on my head?...."Labels: Broken Links, Fish, Pictures
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