We were Catholic once, and young. |12:48 PM|
When I was in gradeschool, I was very Catholic, as I may have already mentioned. At least once a month we were in church for a special Mass of one kind or another. (This is of course in addition to the times I went to church during the week with family members or for other reasons). This meant that I was taking communion quite a bit.
For those of you not familiar with this little bit of the Catholic faith, I'll try to sum it up. In the Bible, during the Passover meal that Jesus has with His pals before being nailed to a tree (Which is called The Last Supper), he declares that the bread he is sharing with them is his body, that the wine is his blood, and that they should repeat this ritual in remembrance of Him. In the Catholic church (but not unique to it), Communion is the most important sacrament, and (bunch of boring details) ...what it comes down to is that when the priest guy blesses the bread wafers and wine, it undergoes transubstantiation and is now the BODY and the BLOOD of the big Christ guy.
And then we eat it. Pretty heady stuff for a 4th grader.
The unleavened bread wafers are disc shaped, about the size of one of those Kennedy 50 cent pieces. This size becomes important in a few sentences. Now I was the contemplative type, so it began to bug me how I should eat this wafer thing. I mean, biting into it seemed kind of...disrepectful, perhaps even sinful. Well, what if I just let it dissolve?
The complex starches that were in the wafers are broken down by your saliva into more simple, sweeter sugars. I found that if left in my mouth, the papery bread stopped being so bland and actually became kind of sweet. This whole "not biting Christ" thing looked like a better and better idea.
Unfortunately, at some point, the wafer got stuck to the top of my mouth. It was a near perfect fit to the roof of my mouth, the softened paste of bread becoming a glue affixing it there. While standing, kneeling, or sitting, I was trying desperately to scrape the savior off the roof of my mouth.
Working with my tongue, trying to be as discreet as possible, I was still haunted by the thought "Is this a sin?"
This ended up happening more than once, but I was less full of the Fear of God. At least the body of Christ stopped tasting so papery.
Now, there were plenty of fellation jokes I could have made, but I showed strength and resisted.Labels: Religon
These comments work. Probably. ->
(0) comments
|
Vinny and the invertebrate aquatic life |5:47 PM|
Greetings, this post is being posted via Portal, as I cannot currently update this Blog. How amusing.
I bought crabs yesterday. I'm tempted to say "I got crabs!" Ha ha! Like the venereal lice! But I'll resist. They're really cute for horrible little invertebrate monsters. Portal was the last holdout among people who questioned the existence of freshwater crabs, as I found out only after their existence was verified by observation. She was then unsure about how good a pet they would be, until she saw one decide to just start climbing a fake plant, pinch by pinch.
Now my giant tank is a little less empty. I filled the floor with living and plastic plants, as crabs like to run and hide, and climb on things. I also bought a catfish who we have named "Vinny" because of his mustache. Naming the crabs would be tough, as I can't tell the difference between the two, so collectively they're just "The crabs" or "Inchy and Pinchy". Whichever.
The work proxy server is pissing me off, again. The I/T guys have been blocking a great many websites, and that's expected. It's one thing when they block recreational websites, and make my job a bit tougher to tolerate, but it's quite another when they start blocking websites that could be considered resource sites. Shareware.com has been blocked all of a sudden, and infuriatingly, the reason given in the "Blocked" window is that it has been classified as "chat".
"Chat"? A goddamn database of files? It's clear they've just gotten lazy, and "chat" is the first thing in whatever automated tool they're using to adjust what's blocked. I was able to find the SNMP query tool I needed through other means, but seeing as Google didn't work for me for most of yesterday, cutting off a secondary source of files was just obnoxious.Labels: Fish
These comments work. Probably. ->
(0) comments
|