Perhaps I am a sissy. |12:53 AM|
The other sad tale is mostly ridiculous. My family has been having issues at their house with spiders, so they set down glue traps in the garage to stop them. They succeeded in catching only a couple snakes and skinks. The sorts of creatures that would eat spiders. The poor bastards are too fragile to extract from the glue, and they were usually dead when my family found them. I got to my parents' place today, and found the garage door open. Inside were a pair of glue traps, one of which had two dead lizards on it. The other had a single, still living, still suffering skink, or possibly a gecko. I'm not sure, he was a beautiful, delicate white with red and black eyes. He seemed to not be totally trapped on the glue, and I tried, as gently as possible to extract him. Instead, it was tearing him up, hurting him terribly. I didn't know this, but those little lizards can chirp, and he made such a quiet, but clearly pain filled chirp I almost cried. My folks had told me how it was impossible to get them off there, and that he was as good as dead. The only human thing to do was hurry it up.
I found myself poised over the trap, with a shovel, tears were actually brimming in my eyes. I found myself actually muttering cliched promises, of apologies and "I'll make it quick". I was just stalling, I think.
When I finally did...When I finally did what needed to be done, it was messy. Christ. I didn't think it'd be that bad. I dropped the shovel, and turned to greet my folks who were coming outside at that moment.
As I turned, I stepped on the edge of the glue trap, dragging it along. My parents and I burst into hysterical, almost crying laughter, it was just so horrible. I had to pry it off my foot with a stick into a trashbag.
Christ. I still feel miserable about it, but it did have to be done. Poor bastard.
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Thursday, June 12, 2003
Holy crap, the damn computer is talking |10:31 AM|
Portal, her roommate and her roommate's boyfriend and I all went to see "The good old Naughty days" which is a collection of vintage pornography from the early 1900's, the newest being about 1935.
I'm not sure what I was expecting, but the rest of my group apparently expected a great deal more class in their pornography. This was hard core, suprising stuff. As one review put it, it just proves there's nothing new under the sun, or the sheets.
The films were suprising in the...flexibility of the participants.Male homosexuality, beastiality, and bisexuality all played a role in them. The old fetishes turned out to be even older than I thought, as nuns were a large part of the films, and teachers as well.
The women's bodies suffered from the effects of corsets, and the men's ribcages stood out. Poor health and eating I suppose. And even though the men were impressively endowed, they could rarely keep it up at all. Probably would have killed them.
Not something to see with anyone with whom you wouldn't watch hard core pornography.
Also, I purchased an ASUS motherboard, which lacks POST beeps, but instead TALKS to you. Creepy as hell, I'm glad I read the manual or it would have scared the crap out of me. "NO IDE HARD DRIVES DETECTED. COMPUTER HAS COMPLETED POST TEST, BOOTING FROM OPERATING SYSTEM"
Gadzooks!
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Do either of you kids know how to operate a keg? |7:22 PM|
My computer is toast. As in, it freakin' fried itself and now I should just spread the butter and eat breakfast. I was going to have a fantastically dorky interlude here where I described exactly how I determined the issue was one of the machine overheating, but instead of masturbating my geek, why don't you just take my word for it. I'll skip straight to the comical excess.
I went by Fry's electronics in search of the biggest goddamn fan they sell. Once I had this monstrosity connected the computer, things were going a lot better. But of course, the motherboard or some other component has now failed, rendering the machine just as useless as before. Oh, and if anyone wants a monitor that's kind of yellow, I lost a gun in one of mine and you can have the son of a bitch.
I was at a party in San Marcos last night, and had some excellent BBQ. Present during the poker game were a couple of neighborhood kids. One of whom was nicknamed "Critter", who will come up again later. They were standing around looking somewhat bored by four guys cursing, smoking cigars, drinking booze and betting money. That's when Eric chimed up with the title of this entry, and convinced one of them to fetch beer, and the other to flip the sausages and what have you on the grill. Felonies and meat, that's what makes a party. Side note: The keg was tapped by "Molly", the keg tap I own despite hating beer. In increases my handiness factor by a great deal on the weekends. Speaking of handiness, I did repair a belt at the party, which led to this victory pose. I didn't know that woman was licking at my ear until I saw the photos. Drag.
Critter was a skater, and I did my best to learn how to ollie. The concept of the ollie is one that bugs the hell out of me. You stamp down on one side of the board, move your other foot up, and drag yourself into the air. This makes as much sense to me as grabbing my own hair and pulling myself off the ground. Determined to understand this dark magic, I had Critter demonstrate, and then attempt to teach me. I say attempt because I spent a great deal of time flying through the air, only to land with suprising force on the ground. I'm damn good at taking a fall nowadays, but a couple caught me by surprise. Like when the board got lodged under one foot and the other leg pendullumed into the nose of it. That one burst a bunch of blood vessels and bruised some muscle.
I did ollie once, straight up, kind of.
Sheesh, long entry. The cat codenamed bandit is doing alright. Despite my finding a home for him, my mother is keeping hold of him. I think she wants to keep him. My mother is becoming one of those cat ladies. Sheesh.
