No Fucking Refunds |3:47 AM|
I spoke to a doctor (who I call "dad") about the medical impact of the explosives I plan to detonate right next to Vorpal's head. Since I don't want anything too hideous to happen to dear old bunny person, I sought some suggestions on how to minimize potential injury. With these new guidlines in mind, and a white LED, I think we're ready to film.
I wish to clarify an earlier entry, since said books were awfully pricey. I, luckily had only purchased (at the point of total failure at my book signing with Mr. Palaniuk) one copy of each of the books for which I was sent, Lullaby and Survivor. I only purchased Survivor because I wanted an autographed copy. It's my favorite of his books so far, but I've already read it. Owning a copy is a luxury that I don't need right now. I think I can find a suitable home for it. Same goes for Lullaby. I'll probably read it, and hook a friend up with it who has not yet read it.
I want to start a book lending network, the pilot example of which was "I am Legend" which while officially in my possesion was read by three seperate people, travelled from Austin, to Las Vegas, to Chicago, then back to Austin. I didn't intend for that to occur, seeing as the book was not technically mine, but it just sort of...happened.
A really odd pet peeve of mine is when people fail to use "-ly" when they should. The most notable example in the US is the Apple "Think Different" advertisements. That damn thing drives me batty. I want to yell "LEEEE! DIFFERENTLY!" Everytime I see it. I quickly remind myself there are starving people in Mogadishu who would love to eat an apple or whatever so I shut the fuck up.
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Friday, September 27, 2002
I fucking suck |8:00 PM|
The Chuck Palaniuk appearance was a total wash-out for reasons I don't want to go into here. Among other things, I now have an extra copy of "Survivor" (Shit, this stuff was fuckin' PRICEY!). Oh, and an application to Book People.
They want me to be creative, and they even have an essay question. I'll scan in the application, manipulate a few things in photoshop, print it out on a bitchin' laser printer, and see if they can spot the differences.
In the essay, I'll outline my reasons for wanting employment, which will include "Total World Domination, with capital letters, as I wish to build a new Utopia, under my rule".
I think they'll go for it. Wait, I just came up with an idea...
hmmmm....
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Doo-dads |9:59 AM|
I found a "Dagon" poster, rolled up in my trunk. It now adorns the wall of my office, as if I REALLY enjoyed that film. That's what having the poster means, that I liked the movie enough to both aquire a poster, and apply the poster to my wall at work. This is not true, I merely found the poster, and put it on my wall as something to kill a full 40 seconds of my day.
Speaking of killing time, I think I should be able to open a time-assasination company. You'd call me up, and I'd dispatch a team out to your location with board games, DVD's, a full wet bar, a large library and possibly a hammock. The point of it would be to murder some time, I mean just kill the fuck out of a couple hours or so. Another business idea is a cut-rate killer be removal service. I've been seeing signs for "Killer Bee Removal" popping up around these parts, and I think I could easily compete in this field. I'm sure those companies are worried about things like personal safety, and the environment. I, on the other hand, will happilly run screaming toward a hive with a bucket of gasoline, with my protective gear consisting of goggles and fast running shoes.
Yes, I'm aware that bees can move at 30 miles an hour. But they can't drive cars....yet
Here is an image someone sent to me of chameleons. Apparently it's from MSNBC's the week in pictures.
The words that occur to me upon viewing this image are "GADZOOKS" and "ZOUNDS!"
Fool Zoo |10:16 AM|
While Epstein was here, at one point zoos came up, and we discussed the last time either of us had been to a zoo. Have you ever seen a naked mole rat? I was introduced to them about 5 years ago in an article detailing their related conservation efforts. Ugly little bastards, but the last time I was at a zoo I did get to see them. The two that were moving around were fighting, each of them were biting the other on the ass, so you had this little "O" shape made of mole rats. One was dragging the pair of them around the hive. Crazy bastards.
I did have an idea of the perfect zoo. One issue with zoos is that unless you go during feeding time, the animals are usually taking it as slow and easy as possible. My zoo would feed all the animals high powered amphetamines, so that they were exciting and moving at all times. This would necessitate certain increased security, as a 12 foot tall polar bear that is now jumping out of its bear pit could cause some serious issues. Also causing issues would be the snakes that can now fly, the kangaroos clearing 40 feet in a single jump, and the monkeys breaking the sound barrier.
In my mind, all the zoo animals are singing Led Zeppelin songs in their heads.
Imagined quotes from the jaguar I thought I could release: "Thank you for releasing me from my long captivity. Your reward is a LETHAL MAULING!"
Proposed dialog between a moth visiting my window-with-the-grow-light, and a lizard who has been growing back his tail for a month.
Moth: "Every single one of my 400 compatriots to have investigated the blue glow has yet to return. I too, will investigate."
Moth: "Hmmm, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing dangerous."
Lizard: "Enter...Professor Stumpy-kins!"
Moth: "Oh! I am slain!"
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Ahhhhh what the fuck? |10:04 AM|
I wasn't at work, or online, or generally reachable yesterday. I called in sick to work, but I can't exactly call in sick to The Internet. My arm is all chewed up, and I managed to get sunburned in an odd place on Tuesday. It's not my arms, it's the gap of skin between my neck and where the collar starts on this one unusual shirt of mine. It's weird that I only got burned there, and annoying since all other shirts have material that rubs up against the newly burned area.
I've been working on this enormous bag of kettle corn for a damn week now. This stuff does stay fresh for weeks. I'm a little bit worried by that fact, since most other popcorn begins to go soft seconds after being purchased. What terrible process has made this popcorn withstand the test of time, and being behind my desk? Frightening to say the least. Well, actually, not at all.
Epstein has left. She stopped by my place yesterday to crash out before her plane left early this morning. I had to set every damned alarm in my house to wake up properly. Before she left we rented some movies, so I finally got to see "Waiting for Guffman" and "The Red Violin". Guffman was hysterical, and "The Red Violin" was damned cool.
This has been a rather foolish entry, but I just don't know what I can type here. What an odd concept this is, as I don't really see the point in keeping two parallel journals of daily events, one that every so often differs from the other in only some small details and a few extra events. I could always engage the draft feature on Blogger and have entries that don't publish...hmm.
Thankful for email |1:28 PM|
I'm going to Chuck Palaniuk's appearance this coming friday in Austin, and I've now been asked to pick up a copy of "Lullaby" so that it may be signed by him. I'll probably have to go by the store on Thursday to pick up the book, as the webmaster I spoke to said this event is going to be huge.
It's always really cool when a webmaster/customer service drone or what have you emails you back in a friendly fashion. Sometimes it takes a few days, but when they bother responding to you it really adds something to your "experience". Because of that email, I'm definitely going to the trouble of purchasing a couple books at their store, as well as showing up on Friday to get at least one of them signed. He's apparently a highly chatty author, so I'll probably end up reading his book while waiting to talk to him. I'll let you know how many pages I finish just waiting to talk to the guy. "Hey, on page 93 here, what the HELL!?"
Comfort Level |11:05 PM|
I just woke up from a nap, and things are kind of hazy, but I think the last thing my father said before leaving was "Fuck you".
If I remember correctly, he showed up at my door (My phone was still disconnected) and was angry about something. I told him I had a shitty day at work and really didn't need this crap. He yelled about how he didn't need this crap and capped it with "Fuck you!" and left. I locked both locks after he slammed the door and went back to bed.
I'm sure he'll apologize or something tommorow. Things are still somewhat hazy. It was a long, stupid day at work. I'm out of my adderal, I'm short on cash, and I'm in a foul mood.
Hooooo-fuckin' Ray.
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|1:41 AM|
This was going to be whiny. Then it was going to be self exploratory. Now it's just about how much I'm looking forward to drinking Orange Juice tomorrow for breakfast.
Oraaaaaange juice.
I might have waffles.
And there, I've done it. I've made an E/N entry about waffles. Surely this can go no further. What if I delved deep into something that's been bugging me for a while, and shouldn't bring up here? Okay, but I'll be really, really vague. So, there's this girl, and there's me, and there isn't communication. I don't know if I want to open communication back up with this girl.
HA. See?! That like, could be ANYONE. That could be like, 3 people that even my closest friends know about!
Only I know who it is!
And I see no reason to say. Whatever happens will likely be the result of someone else's actions. Seeing as I can't control any of this.
How much of my rebellious spirit is from my driving desire to control my own fate? How easy is it to manipulate me by telling me I cannot do one thing, or that no one is allowed to do this one thing or another? How ghastly.
My job has become the mental equivalent of a boot smashing a face for all eternity
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