Friday, July 26, 2002
Couch Rodeo |11:32 AM| When I got home yesterday, I had been awake for something like 36 hour straight. Obviously not the longest period I've ever been awake for, but enough to make me a bit drowsy after a bizzare work day. I puttered around the house a bit, checked email, that sort of thing. All of a sudden, I felt an overwhelming glee at being alive. I was filled with love for all of humanity. I felt great. It's possible this was a psychotic episode, but I could also chalk it up to simply being free of my job and really appreciating that fact. My phone rings just as I'm sitting down on the couch. It's Carter, a friend of mine from high school.
Carter: Hey Cecil, how are you doing?
Cecil: Gosh, Carter, I feel absolutely terrific. Today is just great. I feel so happy!
Carter: ...
Cecil: Wait, you sound a bit down. What's wrong?
Carter: My grandmother just died this morning.
Hi! I'm a big doofus. To be fair, I couldn't know in advance that she was calling about a tragedy, but I still felt a bit crappy being so happy when I picked up the phone. I talked to Carter for a long time. I didn't try to cheer her up, I just let her talk and by the end of it she wasn't crying anymore, and sounded a lot more chipper. I went from being bizzarely happy to simply appreciative of how well things are actually going for me. Carter is going to fly out to Florida, I wish her the best.
I did not know exactly how to act in that situation. I couldn't make jokes, I couldn't do anything to try to cheer her up. I certainly couldn't relate my own families tradgedies. (My grandmother? Oh, we put her in the ground as soon as she stopped moving enough to cover her with dirt. Then we ran). All I could do was listen, express that I was there for her and listening, and respond when asked a question. Despite not knowing what to do, I feel happy that I clearly helped her. She as doing so much better after that conversation then when it started.
At this point, I really just wanted to go to sleep. I dozed off for a bit, but then my phone started ringing and wouldn't stop. In fact, Vorpal showed up to pound on my door when I wasn't picking up his calls. Sinclair was driving down from Dallas and needed directions. My family called to complain about something or other. Bill collectors called asking for money I don't have. I only bring this up because I don't think my phone has spent so much time just ringing off the hook, ever.
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Wednesday, July 24, 2002
Where was I? |6:24 PM| Something unusual seems to be going on. I've got this constant feeling that I'm forgetting something. It was bugging me all day at work, I'd thought we lost some major conversational topic. On the drive home, I thought it might be that I was forgetting to pick something up on the way home.
At home, it sort of feels like I haven't done my homework. It's really starting to bug me. It only started today, but it's beginning to piss me off. I can't seem to not try to remember what I'm forgetting. I can't figure it out.
A friend of mine was thinking about volunteering at a hospital. The image presented was one of her holding premature babies. I thought that was an incredibly sweet thing to do. It refired my volunteer tendencies. So, assuming I have any free time when I get my second job, do I look into self improvement through social service, or through physical training?
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The phone didn't call in sick. |5:24 PM| The people at the seminar next to my office reek of Lasanga. A big group of them passed me in the hall, and I would have screamed "LASANGA!" in terror but my brain had already shut down. I'm just happy I didn't retch.
I'm officially out of "good" food. I no longer have the components to create actual, honest to God meals, and I'm having to resort to pasta. Yeah, I know, this is so damned vital.
I'm thinking about taking up a martial art, since I should have some excess cash in 3 weeks or so. Assuming I get the night job. Knife fighting, anyone?
Everything seems to be a chore. Not in a bad way, but I really need something to break my current routines. I'm just breathing and living again. Having visitors made me a host. Now I'm just a guy without a plan.
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Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Work is bad for the heart |9:55 AM| My boss says that inflatable mattresses are bad for your back. Really bad. So I'm back to sleeping on a bed as loud as a car wreck. Goddammit, I can't stand the thing.
Also, TV is awful. So, so bad. I was letting my morrowind game sit there and teach itself better sneaking, so instead of something self improving (like weights, reading or what have you) I watched TV. When the highlight of TV is "LEXX" there's a problem. Letterman made a goddamn Al Gore invented the internet joke. And a French are rude joke. For fuck's sake. Conan O'Brian is the most underrated show on television. I'm cancelling it all today, anyway, fuck this noise, as Wench has on her cam. Video on demand was pretty cool, when it worked, but it still had flaws out the wazoo.
Well, I'm just bitching now. I'll update with more happiness later. Oh, Vid says Dan Bern wants to be "That guy from Jefferson Airplane" so I'll have to take a look at him.
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Monday, July 22, 2002
Always a gamer |8:17 AM| With little cash and less cleaning to do, I started playing "Morrowind" over the weekend. I'd say the weakest part of it is having to guide your character around the town constantly. In most of the RPG's I've played recently, I could set a course for the characters, and while they were walking I would deal with the mundane stuff like inventory and journal reading. I can't do both at the same time in this game, so it can be a bit tiresome. I'm still having fun, otherwise, and the game is intimidatingly large.
After I finish this entry, I'll read the last 15 pages of "Do androids dream of electric sheep?" I know I claimed I was going to read less fiction, and concentrate more on flat out learning, but I had an oppurtunity to read this for free. Last week I also managed to get my hands on "Survivor" (written by the same guy as "fight club") which was fantastic. Once I deal with a few minor bills and other issues, I'm going to buy that Kuhn book.
Road to perdition is enjoyable, and I had no idea it was based on "graphic novels". I guess they didn't want to say "comic book", especially since they managed to get Tom Hanks, who plays a great mob enforcer. From Hell was also based on "graphic novels". I wonder how long it is until Neil Gaiman's stuff starts to make it to the screen.
I'm such a dork.
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Couch Rodeo |11:32 AM| When I got home yesterday, I had been awake for something like 36 hour straight. Obviously not the longest period I've ever been awake for, but enough to make me a bit drowsy after a bizzare work day. I puttered around the house a bit, checked email, that sort of thing. All of a sudden, I felt an overwhelming glee at being alive. I was filled with love for all of humanity. I felt great. It's possible this was a psychotic episode, but I could also chalk it up to simply being free of my job and really appreciating that fact. My phone rings just as I'm sitting down on the couch. It's Carter, a friend of mine from high school.
Carter: Hey Cecil, how are you doing?
Cecil: Gosh, Carter, I feel absolutely terrific. Today is just great. I feel so happy!
Carter: ...
Cecil: Wait, you sound a bit down. What's wrong?
Carter: My grandmother just died this morning.
Hi! I'm a big doofus. To be fair, I couldn't know in advance that she was calling about a tragedy, but I still felt a bit crappy being so happy when I picked up the phone. I talked to Carter for a long time. I didn't try to cheer her up, I just let her talk and by the end of it she wasn't crying anymore, and sounded a lot more chipper. I went from being bizzarely happy to simply appreciative of how well things are actually going for me. Carter is going to fly out to Florida, I wish her the best.
I did not know exactly how to act in that situation. I couldn't make jokes, I couldn't do anything to try to cheer her up. I certainly couldn't relate my own families tradgedies. (My grandmother? Oh, we put her in the ground as soon as she stopped moving enough to cover her with dirt. Then we ran). All I could do was listen, express that I was there for her and listening, and respond when asked a question. Despite not knowing what to do, I feel happy that I clearly helped her. She as doing so much better after that conversation then when it started.
At this point, I really just wanted to go to sleep. I dozed off for a bit, but then my phone started ringing and wouldn't stop. In fact, Vorpal showed up to pound on my door when I wasn't picking up his calls. Sinclair was driving down from Dallas and needed directions. My family called to complain about something or other. Bill collectors called asking for money I don't have. I only bring this up because I don't think my phone has spent so much time just ringing off the hook, ever.
(0) comments
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
Where was I? |6:24 PM| Something unusual seems to be going on. I've got this constant feeling that I'm forgetting something. It was bugging me all day at work, I'd thought we lost some major conversational topic. On the drive home, I thought it might be that I was forgetting to pick something up on the way home.
At home, it sort of feels like I haven't done my homework. It's really starting to bug me. It only started today, but it's beginning to piss me off. I can't seem to not try to remember what I'm forgetting. I can't figure it out.
A friend of mine was thinking about volunteering at a hospital. The image presented was one of her holding premature babies. I thought that was an incredibly sweet thing to do. It refired my volunteer tendencies. So, assuming I have any free time when I get my second job, do I look into self improvement through social service, or through physical training?
(0) comments
The phone didn't call in sick. |5:24 PM| The people at the seminar next to my office reek of Lasanga. A big group of them passed me in the hall, and I would have screamed "LASANGA!" in terror but my brain had already shut down. I'm just happy I didn't retch.
I'm officially out of "good" food. I no longer have the components to create actual, honest to God meals, and I'm having to resort to pasta. Yeah, I know, this is so damned vital.
I'm thinking about taking up a martial art, since I should have some excess cash in 3 weeks or so. Assuming I get the night job. Knife fighting, anyone?
Everything seems to be a chore. Not in a bad way, but I really need something to break my current routines. I'm just breathing and living again. Having visitors made me a host. Now I'm just a guy without a plan.
(0) comments
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Work is bad for the heart |9:55 AM| My boss says that inflatable mattresses are bad for your back. Really bad. So I'm back to sleeping on a bed as loud as a car wreck. Goddammit, I can't stand the thing.
Also, TV is awful. So, so bad. I was letting my morrowind game sit there and teach itself better sneaking, so instead of something self improving (like weights, reading or what have you) I watched TV. When the highlight of TV is "LEXX" there's a problem. Letterman made a goddamn Al Gore invented the internet joke. And a French are rude joke. For fuck's sake. Conan O'Brian is the most underrated show on television. I'm cancelling it all today, anyway, fuck this noise, as Wench has on her cam. Video on demand was pretty cool, when it worked, but it still had flaws out the wazoo.
Well, I'm just bitching now. I'll update with more happiness later. Oh, Vid says Dan Bern wants to be "That guy from Jefferson Airplane" so I'll have to take a look at him.
(0) comments
Monday, July 22, 2002
Always a gamer |8:17 AM| With little cash and less cleaning to do, I started playing "Morrowind" over the weekend. I'd say the weakest part of it is having to guide your character around the town constantly. In most of the RPG's I've played recently, I could set a course for the characters, and while they were walking I would deal with the mundane stuff like inventory and journal reading. I can't do both at the same time in this game, so it can be a bit tiresome. I'm still having fun, otherwise, and the game is intimidatingly large.
After I finish this entry, I'll read the last 15 pages of "Do androids dream of electric sheep?" I know I claimed I was going to read less fiction, and concentrate more on flat out learning, but I had an oppurtunity to read this for free. Last week I also managed to get my hands on "Survivor" (written by the same guy as "fight club") which was fantastic. Once I deal with a few minor bills and other issues, I'm going to buy that Kuhn book.
Road to perdition is enjoyable, and I had no idea it was based on "graphic novels". I guess they didn't want to say "comic book", especially since they managed to get Tom Hanks, who plays a great mob enforcer. From Hell was also based on "graphic novels". I wonder how long it is until Neil Gaiman's stuff starts to make it to the screen.
I'm such a dork.
(0) comments
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