Tyson defeated |11:49 PM|
I usually don't enjoy watching boxing, but I do like watching an asshole/monster like Tyson get his career ended. Hooray for that.
I'm procrastinating on the whole "get ready to go to Vegas" thing. I'm about ot start Reading a book called "I am legend" which I've been told is fantastic.
I was interviewed by a Blockbuster manager today, it turned out to be her first interview ever. I kicked ass, but it's not like I was interviewing for Sub-atomic brain surgeoun or something. I'll probably end up being a drone, big suprise. There were a lot of questions about how to deal with irate customers, and my ability to deal with menial labor. I gave answers that I knew the interviewer would like, and that were...mostly honest. I don't actually know how I'll react when the first member of the public gets in my face about his extended viewing fees. I'll do my best not to insult his entire family tree, or express to him that there is a 99.7% chance I'm more intelligent then they are. I may, at some point, fake an epileptic seizure and twitch on the floor until they leave. It's bizzare to think I'm more mature than these people, but have no idea how to react to their actions.
The joys of being responsible |1:30 PM|
I just wanted to say in here that I got to sleep in this morning because I bothered to get everything done yesterday afternoon, and still managed to go out bar hopping with Vorpal. This morning my alarm went off and I my spirits sank, "Oh no! I have to hurry to the bank to cash my paycheck...wait, I did that!" "Oh no! I need to go to the grocery store...wait, I already did that!"
"Pay rent...did that!"
"Return those damn videos...Did that!"
Huzzah for doing what I'm fucking supposed to. Life is grand. Oh, and I've got a gargantuan box of Cheddar Gold fish. Hooray!
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Friday, June 07, 2002
48 hours to Vegas |8:28 PM|
I'm heading to Vegas as of Sunday. I'm not paying for the plane tickets, nor the airfare. My folks offered to take me along with them, as it's my little sister's birthday.
Goddamn, I feel damned good. I feel great in fact. I went running today, and now despite that exertion I've got plenty of energy. I feel incredible. I realized that the last couple weeks, despite any depressing events, have been a blur. They've been compressed. I was thinking about the last couple trips I've made out west, and the west coast, and how much more alive I felt during those trips. Or how much richer the weekends I've had that were exciting and fufilling were. It seems that life isn't so much speeding up, it's shifting gears constantly. I'm being jarred from satisfaction to hopelessness and back again by situation now, rather than chemical issues.
A couple days ago, I made a post about staring out across a vast stretch of land. I realized it wasn't my perception of the view that startled me, it was experiencing the passage of time so fully. It was less than 3 minutes, but it felt longer than the last 2 work weeks.
I just have to enrich my life, and things will slow down in an enjoyable fashion. I won't feel as though I'm constantly falling forward, trying to feel as little as possible anymore.
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Thursday, June 06, 2002
hOOO boy did I fuck up today or what |11:47 AM|
I haven't been sleeping very well (so what else is new) but that's not the issue. I don't have any adderall, but that's not new or the real issue either. I did take some "trucker speed" (that ephedrine shit that got me started on the long road to ADD drugs in the first place) last night at poker. Problem was, this crappy excuse for an amphetamine did nothing for my concentration, and just fucked with my nervous system. Oh, and thanks to that crap I didn't sleep last night (well, not until 6:30am) , which never happens with Good Ol Adderall. Jesus, that was some dirty fucking speed.
I was late for work, since that quick nap at 6:30 took a little longer than I thought, and so I didn't take my damn Effexor. What does this mean? It means I haven't had Effexor in well over 36 hours, I'm feeling the hideous effects of that crap speed, I can't think straight, I can barely type, and the workday isn't yet half over. Maybe it is. I don't know. I'm losing my shit and it HURTS like a bitch. My whole body is tingling, I'm getting weird muscle twitches. GODDAMMIT. I hate this. I fucked up. I keep fucking up and it's my own damn fault. Whine whine whine.
I'll take to Vid and see if I can't go by my house at lunch, and I'll solve this issue post-haste.
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Wednesday, June 05, 2002
|5:43 PM|
I've sold 11 shirts now. I need just 7 more to make the batch. Ah, capitalism. The forums for SA have grabbed my attention again, but only at work. I don't feel any particular need to go look at them right now. There are too many other projects to take care of here at home. TPL itself broke 20,000 visits yesterday. Good lord. I've already moved 4.5 gigabytes of data since the start of the month. While that's not a lot compared to the big sites, this isn't a joke anymore.
I wonder how effective sprinkling baking soda on the carpet is for removing "cat stink"?
zusty has made an incredible page about Kit Fisto here. I will now use this when linking to zusty. This is amazing.
I'm heading to Vegas sooner than I thought. Sunday, as it turns out. My clock has wound down.
Yesterday, I collapsed onto my desk after I had my "vision" outside. I wasn't tired, I just couldn't think of anything else to do, so I slept. It's a depression thing, from what I recall. Or it could be that I hadn't eaten anything but some waffles all day. I wonder what fasting feels like.
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Tuesday, June 04, 2002
Awake |1:14 PM|
I feel the most awake I have in 2 months. Some kind of pressure has lifted, blinders removed from my eyes. I stared across a mile of terrain a moment ago and felt like I could see each individual leaf and stone and building at once. I could breathe the scene in front of me. I'm on the verge of something, but I don't know what. For a moment, I was angry, I wanted to pull down walls with my hands, and then it fell away. I'm balanced, right now. Still at work, but because I chose to be here, I don't feel forced.
The time is nigh |1:11 PM|That clock NEVER rings! As I might have mentioned, I aquired an antique clock from my folks. The clock itself is around 50-60 years old, maybe more. However, using a pair of pliars and a gentle touch, I managed to wind it again. The pendulum has been set back into motion and the hourly chimes are now more relaxing than suprising.
My lunix woes continue as I wrestle with a machine onto which I installed Mandrake. I managed to lock myself out when I changed the time and caused my account to expire. Ha. Ha. Goddammit.
Such a day. Just another one in a long line of them. Perhaps I am not seeing enough signifigance in each day, maybe that's why they are speeding up. They are compressing, and I'm just tired. Excersise will help. I'm going to go grocery shopping today, after I pay some bills. And return that damn DVD and X-box game.
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The rent, the rent, the rent is on fire. |5:41 AM|
I was at a party where the keg suffered a catastrophic failure. The stem actually came all the way out. I was worried that my tap had been damaged. Christ, "my tap", I don't even drink beer, yet I own a tap. The tap is apparently okay, and has been codenamed "Molly". Molly was a good girl, or another possible usage is "We're having a party, bring Molly"
Applying at Blockbuster is a pain in the ass, sort of. They make you type on this teeny-tiny keyboard, which requires a method of hunt-and-peck. However, I don't have to worry about the managers being able to read my handwriting. Unfortunately, I couldn't be very vague on a couple key points, which will probably flag me as "overqualified" and I'll probably never hear from Blockbuster again. I'm going to call some catering companies, since they work odd hours, and pay good money.
Common Cecil Comments:
On Drugs: 2 pills left. No cash. I'll be going crazy shortly
On Women: Ran into a total geek chick that was "Tired of scaring guys off with her intellect" and "Just wanted to get some". She was busily pursuing these 2 other guys at the party, however, so I was merely a source of good conversation. She also wanted to get a tattoo that "encircles [her] tits" with the fangs "right at the nipple". This woman had thick glasses, a long skirt, and in general looked the part of a geek chick. If I got a geek chick's shirt off and was presented with this snake tattoo, I would think I had won at life.
On travel: Going to Vegas soon. I don't exactly have a bank roll yet, so this may proof very unproductive.