This ain't no planet of no apes. |9:03 PM|A random picture of Helena Bonham-Carter. I caught shit for making reference to "Wings of the Dove" like 3 times in one day at work, when it turned out that the connection to the movie I was using was incorrect. Apparently, I put some images of this woman in the images folder of my website, but I have no idea why. I think there was a reason, but now I've totally forgotten. These things happen, I guess.
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Lady Bug press release |12:48 PM|
On Friday, during the breaks where my boss smokes and I get some fresh air, we noticed something unusual. The tree we usually stand next to was surrounded by lady bugs. Lady bugs crawling on the ground, flying through the air, and landing on my boss. I commented that Lady Bugs were beetles, the same things as some of the most disgusting insects, and yet, people usually didn't flip out at them. Everything "gross" about them was hidden under a pretty outer shell, and a pleasing name. It was as if lady bugs had spin doctors during evolution. "I'm not awful! Look at this pretty red shell!". I then noticed several pairs of lady bugs on the ground. It was quite obviously a lady bug orgy, as on lady bug was on top of another, shaking back and forth slowly. Bug sex, it wasn't something I'd seen before, but not something I felt like staring at for a while. My boss and I moved away from the tree and watched other people notice, then stare at, the bug-screwing.
In 2084, humanity perfects the robotron. |12:26 PM|
Dude. I got this phone number (1-888-573-8255) from True Meaning Of Life. You call it, and ask questions in english about the weather. In the course of a two minute call, we determined the high temperatures in Dallas, Austin, Boston (Oops), Phoenix (oops), determined that there was no precipitation forecasted, and that Oklahoma does not currently have any tornado watches in effect. About the only thing it didn't know was the average yearly rainfall in the Amazon basin. Videodrome commented that his faith in humanity was restored by the possibility of mankind's total replacement.
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Blade 2 |3:15 AM|
Blade 2 is a fine motion picture that features attractive women with hair dyed implausible colors*, and vampire wrestling moves. In order to describe this movie, I must explain the "Josh Awesome". Josh is a friend of mine, who's pronunciation of the word "Awesome" has a particular emphasis to it, that I really dig. In order to utter a Josh Awesome is a fairly simple process. Begin saying the first syllable as if you are saying "Aaaaaah", so open your mouth really wide. Now begin to form your mouth into the shape of saying the letter "o", then pronounce the "some". You should get a sort of "AwWusome". I'll record it if I don't get too lazy. In fact, I'll have Josh record one as well, as it is his word.
What the fuck was I talking about? Oh yeah, Blade 2. Blade 2 was awesome. I found it very enjoyable. Oh, the movie also featured ninjas, and the guy who played "Cat" in Red Dwarf. *Previously mentioned attractive women spent a great deal of time in tight leather outfits. Thank goodness.
My fun and happy shirt arrived from Karla! Hooray! Continuing my abuse of this $30 camera, I have pictures proving that the shirts turn Evil Cecils into Not so Evil, and increasingly dorky Cecils. I love it, thank you Karla.
Preparations continue on making this into a humor site. If you used to write for Comedy Gangbang, or hell, if you just want to write for a website that claims to be funny, drop me a line. I'll put you on staff under almost any condition, that doesn't involve me actually paying you.
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Thursday, March 21, 2002
Bat comes out of...well, the hallway. |8:54 AM|
So I heard a thud on my door, and I thought "Hey, must be someone knocking". I also thought "That's a little too convienent seeing as how I just posted a fake 'Hey, what was that noise?'" a few seconds ago. So I walked up to the door and opened it, and was promptly nearly hit the face by a goddamn flying bat. I jumped backwards at lightning speed (and I didn't even utter a peep. Which is suprising) and avoided a "flying mammal in the face". Right behind the bat was a security guard chasing it with a recyled paper container, and I announced "I AM NEVER OPENING THIS DOOR AGAIN!" and locked said door.
Money. Rebirth. |8:41 AM|
I walked away with $56 last night from the poker game. That's a profit of $36, and since it's an evening's worth of entertainment, it's like going to the movies and them paying you to watch whatever crap is on while they feed you.
It ruled.
Comedy Gangbang died and went to hell. Why wasn't I informed? Geez.
Alright. That's it. This site is going to be the new damned home of the comedy stylings of that old site. I've perfected a method of replacing index.shtml, the only problem is that when exposed to light, they dissolve in 99 minutes. I don't quite know why, but I think shortly I can replace this front, damaged page with a new layer of index.shtml. Hey...what was that noise?
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Wednesday, March 20, 2002
This is CLEARLY a stupid post. |12:00 PM|
Looks like Canadians are already getting the kind of Cereal that I want, this Vector stuff would be perfect. I want a snack food akin to a power bar or something that I can stuff into my gaping maw while I'm working that is vaguely healthy. I hate having my snack options limited to "Carrots brought from home" or "stuff from machine".
Had a bizarre, multi-leveled nightmare last night that made me wake up and walk around my apartment for a while. I apparently ended up writing about it to a friend and they were nice enough to reply with some kind thoughts and advice. I did mention that the friend in question was killed in the dream, but I didn't give too many details. About a quarter of the damn dream was the process of watching a semi truck skip over a lane, rip through the ambulance he wad driving like tissue paper, some other gory details, then my having to track down and call his friends to let them know. Geez. Writing it out seems to help. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to learn from it, if anything.
Finally saw Darkman. I really enjoyed it, but it had some really, really bizarre film making moments that can be described best by Vorpal's quote of "I'm sure Raimi meant well with that...". Near the end of the film is an excellent Bruce Campbell cameo, which is leading me to make up the catch phrase of "That is CLEARLY Bruce Campbell" to various obvious things. Your friend can't find their car in the parking lot, and then you both stumble across it all of a sudden? Gesture at car and say "That is CLEARLY Bruce Campbell". This is a stupid catch phrase.
Ah, spell check is working again. Excellent.
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Tuesday, March 19, 2002
|11:02 PM|
The second pot of daisies is growing. Shoot. I had something else to say. Now I've forgotten.
Oh, yeah. The nightmares continue. Dreamed a friend of mine offed himself. What is it, once every 5 weeks or so, boom, nightmares. I'll study something tonight or distract my head in some fashion. Maybe it's sun spots.
I try to avoid being shallow, but damn, my hair spiked just right this morning, despite the incredible rush I was in. I'm tempted to take a picture. I'll get images of the daisies and my hair. I'm so lame.
You know when you're doing a proper workout when, at the end of the workout, you actually CANNOT get off the ground. Even if you were on fire, you are still forced to roll over, and slowly push up using your arms. I'm so doing my laundry right now, and putting it away. I know, I'm shocked too.
(edit)
pic 1 pic 2
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Monday, March 18, 2002
Now...Deal with LETHAL PYTHON! |1:33 PM|
Work. It's 1:30, do you know where your daylight hours are? I've probably posted these before, but here you go again: This is anguesdei.mp3 and These are high level scientology documents that don't make any sense. The wind around here has taken a vacation, and now it is muggy. I have a fan, but the outdoors ignores my electric contributions.
I had a nightmare last night, at one point during a more sensible scene in the dream, I attempted to use a snake as a murder weapon, while screaming the title of this post. I also yelled "MAN KILLING SNAKE! MAN KILLING SNAKE!" Over and over at a closed door. I'd call it Freudian if I hadn't seen the same snake I used in the dream in real life, as a recently aquired pet. The dream was distressing enough to make me wake up and wander around my apartment. At least I stopped the cat from messing with my stuff. I'm so damned tired. I won't bore you with tales of drug woes, though.
Taste of Genius |4:19 PM|
I saw this (text at bottom) tacked to a wall, fell in love with the author, and sought more information. The man's name is Hugh Gallagher and he's relatively famous. He also apparently kicks a lot of ass as this essay was not a fluke. He went on to do much more. He's an intimidating figure.
This essay appears to be an incantation to summon humor. It is a bit of genius, and I will post less until I figure out more on what this piece does right, so that I know where I am going wrong. [edit] Turns out the piece is relatively famous, I had just never read it before. I was so shocked at it, I think, because I thought it possible that it was written by a cubicle dweller in the building I found it.
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