Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Just skip over this one. |10:04 PM| Talked to a counselor today. It's looking less likely that I can expunge my record, be forgiven of my sins, etc.
It looks like I'll just have to retake those classes in which I did poorly.
I'd rather piss nails, but that does not appear to be an option. Besides, if I had just retaken the damn things the last time I ran into this brick wall I'd be done by now.
Christ that bugs me. While I wouldn't trade most of the experiences I've had over the last couple of years, I'm sure I'd feel a lot better than the sorry sack of miserable I've been, on and off, for a while now.
I'm not pining for attention, just putting words to the truth. Before this shit gets too emo, I'm going to declare, once again, I'm going back to college if it takes every bit of willpower I can muster.
Nothing else is as looming in my life, long term goal wise, nothing else has hung over my head for this length of time.
Debt, stupid emotional hang ups, bad habits, guilt over some infractions against my personal moral code, nothing has stood the test of time like this college situation. It is longer running than 90% of my friendships, every job, every club, every hobby. It is a specter on my every life choice, career path, and long term plans.
But, it's just a task. One more in a long series. If I have to retake all of those classes, go toil in a community college before I can actually get to the fun part, then okay.
I've made these statements before and meant them, but, this time it isn't the angry, self-pitying reactionary mania.
If I had started this the last time I hit this same brick wall, I'd be done now. Feeling guilty about lost time has hamstrung me in the past as well. It's not like I'm not losing time right now.
Just skip over this one. |10:04 PM| Talked to a counselor today. It's looking less likely that I can expunge my record, be forgiven of my sins, etc.
It looks like I'll just have to retake those classes in which I did poorly.
I'd rather piss nails, but that does not appear to be an option. Besides, if I had just retaken the damn things the last time I ran into this brick wall I'd be done by now.
Christ that bugs me. While I wouldn't trade most of the experiences I've had over the last couple of years, I'm sure I'd feel a lot better than the sorry sack of miserable I've been, on and off, for a while now.
I'm not pining for attention, just putting words to the truth. Before this shit gets too emo, I'm going to declare, once again, I'm going back to college if it takes every bit of willpower I can muster.
Nothing else is as looming in my life, long term goal wise, nothing else has hung over my head for this length of time.
Debt, stupid emotional hang ups, bad habits, guilt over some infractions against my personal moral code, nothing has stood the test of time like this college situation. It is longer running than 90% of my friendships, every job, every club, every hobby. It is a specter on my every life choice, career path, and long term plans.
But, it's just a task. One more in a long series. If I have to retake all of those classes, go toil in a community college before I can actually get to the fun part, then okay.
I've made these statements before and meant them, but, this time it isn't the angry, self-pitying reactionary mania.
If I had started this the last time I hit this same brick wall, I'd be done now. Feeling guilty about lost time has hamstrung me in the past as well. It's not like I'm not losing time right now.
2 Comments:
Attitude is everything.
Acceptance is everything.
A.V.
By 
, at
10:24 PM
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
Confucius
DMH
By , at
4:45 PM
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