Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Grinding gears |8:09 PM| I used to be damned funny. It was what I was known for. I lived for the moments when some crack I would make would cause people to laugh so hard as to have trouble breathing. I still remember when I made a joke about dating a particular chick being like starting the Vietnam War and Sabrina spat out water and fell out of her patio chair onto Joe's porch.
Practicing at being humorous again is a bit hit or miss, take this clip of crap, this shit is like suck fireworks:
Say the people:
It's like driving a stick shift for the first time in years. You grind some shit up, you smell asbestoses. Is there a student driver sign I can put on top of my text?
Seeing as I'm not going to be writing comedy for anyone anytime soon, certainly not for money, I was trying to come up with alternative methods of income. Craigslist has offered some options, many of which seem to require a dearth of clothing, as well as being female. The rest are sales jobs, some of which also require someone without the Y chromosome. Blah blah sales = prostitution anyhow.
I was reviewing my current list of abilities and skills, and it would appear I am under-utilizing my talent at stapling myself.
I discussed the possibility of taking up a side job as a professional self-stapler with Sinclair, but he and I agreed that it wasn't exactly a career type of field. There would be no punch in, today it's the standard office Swingline and a hammer, then punch out when the whistle blows. Then he suggested Vegas. Genius. There I could turn it into a hell of a stage act.
So say the people:
I'd have a big wheel of fortune, I'd announce the various options before the spin, dressed in a big sequined tuxedo and ridiculous top hat. I'd demand long coat tails.
Big drum roll.......KA THUNK
Golf claps.
That's the sort of thing you could do 3 acts a day in, but the Staple Cannon would be in it only for the evening shows, so I could compete with the other acts that go topless after 8pm.
Grinding gears |8:09 PM| I used to be damned funny. It was what I was known for. I lived for the moments when some crack I would make would cause people to laugh so hard as to have trouble breathing. I still remember when I made a joke about dating a particular chick being like starting the Vietnam War and Sabrina spat out water and fell out of her patio chair onto Joe's porch.
Practicing at being humorous again is a bit hit or miss, take this clip of crap, this shit is like suck fireworks:
.....proper stimulus I'll end up a boring old man, playing checkers on top of a barrel of pickles and then, THEN I will predict the weather via my bad knee!
AND IT WILL BE A DOWNPOUR.....
Say the people:
Portland: That's horrible.
Me: Yeah
Me: But I'm trying.
Portland: you know I like you because when I'm honest with you, you don't shit yourself
It's like driving a stick shift for the first time in years. You grind some shit up, you smell asbestoses. Is there a student driver sign I can put on top of my text?
Seeing as I'm not going to be writing comedy for anyone anytime soon, certainly not for money, I was trying to come up with alternative methods of income. Craigslist has offered some options, many of which seem to require a dearth of clothing, as well as being female. The rest are sales jobs, some of which also require someone without the Y chromosome. Blah blah sales = prostitution anyhow.
I was reviewing my current list of abilities and skills, and it would appear I am under-utilizing my talent at stapling myself.
I discussed the possibility of taking up a side job as a professional self-stapler with Sinclair, but he and I agreed that it wasn't exactly a career type of field. There would be no punch in, today it's the standard office Swingline and a hammer, then punch out when the whistle blows. Then he suggested Vegas. Genius. There I could turn it into a hell of a stage act.
So say the people:
Michelle: if fucking Gallager can make money
I'd have a big wheel of fortune, I'd announce the various options before the spin, dressed in a big sequined tuxedo and ridiculous top hat. I'd demand long coat tails.
HERE we have the standard craftsman super-punch!
THERE is the MX200 Electric Joining Appliance!
AND...IN THE SUPER SQUARE TODAY IS THE .22 CALIBER POWER STAPLE CANNON!
Big drum roll.......KA THUNK
Golf claps.
That's the sort of thing you could do 3 acts a day in, but the Staple Cannon would be in it only for the evening shows, so I could compete with the other acts that go topless after 8pm.
1 Comments:
Actually, I drove a stick shift for the first time ever last weekend, and did really ridiculously well. I only stalled it out once, and didn't grind shit.
You know, just so I can make your day and stuff.
By 
, at
9:02 PM
View My Stats
-->
