Monday, June 14, 2004
Oooh. Naked people. |11:37 AM| Portal and I were going back to her apartment after the play last night, Wendy's combos in hand, when ancient instincts and senses awoke inside of me. Thousands of years of recent evolution had made me capable of detecting something very important, with clear survival skill impact. Bare tits in my immediate vicinity. I said out loud to Portal, as she was unlocking the door, "Hey, those people are naked!"
This is not to say I'm one of those tit-obssesed cavemen, whose only vocabulary consists of the word "WOOOO!" while gesturing with beer. But unexpected nudity is a strange surprise, and the excitement is not so much sexual, but of seeing something you should not.
Protip: When it is dark outside, and the lights are on inside, you will not be able to see through your window. Do not assume this means that the window is just as opaque-seeming from the other side.
Especially when you are naked, and brushing your teeth.
She turned to look across the apartment complex, to where a neighbor was perfoming various acts of hygiene wearing only a small thong, in a brightly lit apartment, with the shades wide open. We entered Portal's apartment and peered through the mini-blinds in the most suspicious way possible.
Me: "Think we should tell them?"
Portal: "Yeah, at the very least it'll be an excuse to meet the new neighbors."
She began to leave, when I said "Wait a second..." and then went back to leering through the shades. After the expected and corrective jab was delivered to my ribs, Portal approached the apartment and knocked on the door. I debated going out onto the porch so that I would be clearly seen eating a hamburger and waving by the naked woman, when it was pointed out just how visible she was. I debated for too long, and Portal came back. She'd let the boyfriend know.
I ran to the bedroom, hoping for some kind of comic scene of robe-throwing on and hasty shade pulling. I pulled back the shades, just as the robed woman was approaching her own window, and...just as Portal turned on the bedroom lights.
For the time it takes for the brain to send the "HIDE YOU DUMB BASTARD" signal, I was lit up and visible to the once-naked-now-robed woman, peering through shades, and I might as well have written "VOYEURISTIC PERVERT" in neon on the window.
In conclusion, unexpected breasts can liven up any dinner. Even if the drive through fucks up your order.
"Goddammit, I told 'em no fucking cheese."
Oooh. Naked people. |11:37 AM| Portal and I were going back to her apartment after the play last night, Wendy's combos in hand, when ancient instincts and senses awoke inside of me. Thousands of years of recent evolution had made me capable of detecting something very important, with clear survival skill impact. Bare tits in my immediate vicinity. I said out loud to Portal, as she was unlocking the door, "Hey, those people are naked!"
This is not to say I'm one of those tit-obssesed cavemen, whose only vocabulary consists of the word "WOOOO!" while gesturing with beer. But unexpected nudity is a strange surprise, and the excitement is not so much sexual, but of seeing something you should not.
Protip: When it is dark outside, and the lights are on inside, you will not be able to see through your window. Do not assume this means that the window is just as opaque-seeming from the other side.
Especially when you are naked, and brushing your teeth.
She turned to look across the apartment complex, to where a neighbor was perfoming various acts of hygiene wearing only a small thong, in a brightly lit apartment, with the shades wide open. We entered Portal's apartment and peered through the mini-blinds in the most suspicious way possible.
Me: "Think we should tell them?"
Portal: "Yeah, at the very least it'll be an excuse to meet the new neighbors."
She began to leave, when I said "Wait a second..." and then went back to leering through the shades. After the expected and corrective jab was delivered to my ribs, Portal approached the apartment and knocked on the door. I debated going out onto the porch so that I would be clearly seen eating a hamburger and waving by the naked woman, when it was pointed out just how visible she was. I debated for too long, and Portal came back. She'd let the boyfriend know.
I ran to the bedroom, hoping for some kind of comic scene of robe-throwing on and hasty shade pulling. I pulled back the shades, just as the robed woman was approaching her own window, and...just as Portal turned on the bedroom lights.
For the time it takes for the brain to send the "HIDE YOU DUMB BASTARD" signal, I was lit up and visible to the once-naked-now-robed woman, peering through shades, and I might as well have written "VOYEURISTIC PERVERT" in neon on the window.
In conclusion, unexpected breasts can liven up any dinner. Even if the drive through fucks up your order.
"Goddammit, I told 'em no fucking cheese."
Labels: Mariko
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