Thursday, June 03, 2004
Dignity for sale. Cheap. |11:29 AM| As far as I the search feature tells me, I've never written about the blood plasma incident in this blog. I'm sure anyone who has known me for a while is familiar with it, but perhaps you are not. Edited down a bit, here is the true tale.
The year is 1999. The moon has not been blown away from the Earth by atomic war and crappy special effects.I am working at CompUSA, which is at the best of times poorly run. This is not one of the better times, and I'm being shorted on a paycheck. My manager explains that since there were 3 paycheck days in one month, the company couldn't afford to pay all the commision to the salesman, so we got our hourly and that's all. My reaction involved a lot of cursing. My sales manager, Robert, that was his name, he had scarred hands that he'd never explain. Sorry, random memory. Anyhow, I needed food and I was very broke. Desperate for some source of funds, I remembered that there was a plasma center on campus. In fact, I think I brought this up while speaking to Robert.
"You'll get the rest of your money on the next check."
"Well, fine, guess I'll go sell some blood plasma for FOOD MONEY!"
After work I head on over to the center, and start having second and third thoughts. You know those bums that are so weird and creepy you won't get close enough to give them spare change? This waiting room was apparently their employee break area. Ancient, rotting jackets were wrapped around guys that would make you consider walking rather than sharing the same bus. As a guy in khakis and a full set of teeth I stood out quite a bit.
The walls were that cheap green color shitty hospitals always paint stuff, and the lighting was a dim, oyster-ish color. I began filling out the release and medical forms, of which their were piles. I soon had a question, and spoke to one of the medical technicians about it.
"Hey, what's this here about air embolism? That's an air bubble in my blood, that's really bad, how likely is that?"
The tech, looking at me like I was that cartoon frog that could sing and dance started to say something like "You know what that means?" but stopped and instead showed me all the sensors and how unlikely it was. Realizing I didn't really have much of a choice if I wanted to eat, I resigned myself to the possibility of a very painful death.
Me: "Well, just unplug me if I start to seize, alright?"
Tech: "Sure, man, sure."
Whenever you hear about a doctor graduating at the top of their class, do you ever wonder where the people who graduated at the bottom go? I mean, they're still doctors, they just aren't very good at it. Well, it's clear that some end up working for blood plasma centers, as this woman was a doctor, but only in the loosest sense of the word. I'll spare you the details of the physical (miserable bedside manner, no intellect behind the glasses and jacket, etc), though I did get to keep my clothes on, but that was the only comfortable thing about it.
Finally the time came to get tapped. Once again, they complimented me on my veins, and I spent an hour hooked up to the vampire machine. It would suck out a shitload of my blood, remove the plasma, introduce some water and pump everything back in. They told me "Get a ride home, don't walk in this sun" and "Don't run, or move quickly. Drink a lot of juice"
They finally gave me my money. I ran across the street to Conan's Pizza, ate, and then ran home. I've always had a high tolerance for blood loss. I promised I'd never sell blood plasma again after that day, and I've kept that promise so far. (Despite offers of bonus cash if I sell my oh-so-rare O+ blood)
Dignity for sale. Cheap. |11:29 AM| As far as I the search feature tells me, I've never written about the blood plasma incident in this blog. I'm sure anyone who has known me for a while is familiar with it, but perhaps you are not. Edited down a bit, here is the true tale.
The year is 1999. The moon has not been blown away from the Earth by atomic war and crappy special effects.I am working at CompUSA, which is at the best of times poorly run. This is not one of the better times, and I'm being shorted on a paycheck. My manager explains that since there were 3 paycheck days in one month, the company couldn't afford to pay all the commision to the salesman, so we got our hourly and that's all. My reaction involved a lot of cursing. My sales manager, Robert, that was his name, he had scarred hands that he'd never explain. Sorry, random memory. Anyhow, I needed food and I was very broke. Desperate for some source of funds, I remembered that there was a plasma center on campus. In fact, I think I brought this up while speaking to Robert.
"You'll get the rest of your money on the next check."
"Well, fine, guess I'll go sell some blood plasma for FOOD MONEY!"
After work I head on over to the center, and start having second and third thoughts. You know those bums that are so weird and creepy you won't get close enough to give them spare change? This waiting room was apparently their employee break area. Ancient, rotting jackets were wrapped around guys that would make you consider walking rather than sharing the same bus. As a guy in khakis and a full set of teeth I stood out quite a bit.
The walls were that cheap green color shitty hospitals always paint stuff, and the lighting was a dim, oyster-ish color. I began filling out the release and medical forms, of which their were piles. I soon had a question, and spoke to one of the medical technicians about it.
"Hey, what's this here about air embolism? That's an air bubble in my blood, that's really bad, how likely is that?"
The tech, looking at me like I was that cartoon frog that could sing and dance started to say something like "You know what that means?" but stopped and instead showed me all the sensors and how unlikely it was. Realizing I didn't really have much of a choice if I wanted to eat, I resigned myself to the possibility of a very painful death.
Me: "Well, just unplug me if I start to seize, alright?"
Tech: "Sure, man, sure."
Whenever you hear about a doctor graduating at the top of their class, do you ever wonder where the people who graduated at the bottom go? I mean, they're still doctors, they just aren't very good at it. Well, it's clear that some end up working for blood plasma centers, as this woman was a doctor, but only in the loosest sense of the word. I'll spare you the details of the physical (miserable bedside manner, no intellect behind the glasses and jacket, etc), though I did get to keep my clothes on, but that was the only comfortable thing about it.
Finally the time came to get tapped. Once again, they complimented me on my veins, and I spent an hour hooked up to the vampire machine. It would suck out a shitload of my blood, remove the plasma, introduce some water and pump everything back in. They told me "Get a ride home, don't walk in this sun" and "Don't run, or move quickly. Drink a lot of juice"
They finally gave me my money. I ran across the street to Conan's Pizza, ate, and then ran home. I've always had a high tolerance for blood loss. I promised I'd never sell blood plasma again after that day, and I've kept that promise so far. (Despite offers of bonus cash if I sell my oh-so-rare O+ blood)
0 Comments:
View My Stats
-->
