Tuesday, December 09, 2003
Toast. |2:32 PM| I fucking hate my toaster. I want to make that really fucking clear.
I fucking hate my toaster.
It has a little computer brain in it, or so the box it came in claimed. Clearly, that little brain has gone bad. In fact, the malice my toaster shows me began on the first day. It burns everything. I cannot trust its little browning knob, that was put there as a fucking joke. What the hell kind of fucking browning knob has no discernible affect on the object-to-be-toasted?
As soon as I can I'm buying a toaster that's sturdy enough to beat my current toaster into about a hundred or so little pieces. I may in fact, purchase 2 toasters, and a long metal rod. I will weld one of the new toasters to the end of this rod, and then vent 2 years out on this toaster. 3 years of ruined bread, burst pop-tarts and blackened Eggo Waffles. 2 years of having to babysit the goddamn thing to make sure it wouldn't stick its glowing metal cocks into the metaphoric anime schoolgirl that was my baked good to-be-toasted.
Fucking toaster.
It's going into the box with the alarm clock that failed me. It's my electronics death row. I'm sure I've let that one power supply sit for long enough for the capacitors to discharge.
Toast. |2:32 PM| I fucking hate my toaster. I want to make that really fucking clear.
I fucking hate my toaster.
It has a little computer brain in it, or so the box it came in claimed. Clearly, that little brain has gone bad. In fact, the malice my toaster shows me began on the first day. It burns everything. I cannot trust its little browning knob, that was put there as a fucking joke. What the hell kind of fucking browning knob has no discernible affect on the object-to-be-toasted?
As soon as I can I'm buying a toaster that's sturdy enough to beat my current toaster into about a hundred or so little pieces. I may in fact, purchase 2 toasters, and a long metal rod. I will weld one of the new toasters to the end of this rod, and then vent 2 years out on this toaster. 3 years of ruined bread, burst pop-tarts and blackened Eggo Waffles. 2 years of having to babysit the goddamn thing to make sure it wouldn't stick its glowing metal cocks into the metaphoric anime schoolgirl that was my baked good to-be-toasted.
Fucking toaster.
It's going into the box with the alarm clock that failed me. It's my electronics death row. I'm sure I've let that one power supply sit for long enough for the capacitors to discharge.
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