Sunday, July 13, 2003
The party: A celebration of Piss Chugging |12:27 AM| Quite a few months ago, Vorpal was drafted into service to the cause of making an asshole drink piss. Vorpal went to quite a bit of effort, including pissing into a measuring cup, straining out ice, yadda yadda. In the end, the jerk off thought he was drinking a new, chilled bottle of beer. Contents: Vorpal Urine.
At this party, we had prior warning of the asshole's arrival. A plan was set in motion, involving the previous incident's preparation (The chilling of piss, among other things) and the organization of a beer chugging contest. The contest was a sham, it was all meant to get the guy to not only drink urine, but to chug it.
You can see the video of him doing it here:
No sound version of piss chugging
The video with sound and commentary (As well as an interview with mister Piss tongue in which I'm standing behind him with a sign that says "PISS!" and making drinking gestures) will be up in the near future.
Before you feel bad for the guy, realize that he was an asshole. A telling quote:
"I don't fuck 'em and leave 'em! I fuck 'em, fuck 'em again, and then leave 'em! HAR HAR!"
Anyhow, his new nickname is "2.0".
Speaking of piss, I "won" a metaphorical pissing match. Portal happened to see this, and thought it was cute. I was walking from the kitchen with a coke in my hand, when a fantastically drunk party-goer stood in front of me. He pointed out that my drink was non-alcoholic.
Cecil: "I'm a designated driver."
Drunk: "So?"
Cecil: "I'm taking 5 people home."
Drunk: (Becoming more confrontational) "So?"
Cecil: "I'm not drinking."
That's when he began fumbling at his pocket and making vague
"Why should I let you not drink?" statements, as well as something to the effect of
"What are you going to do about it/this?"
His body language had started to take on an air of "I want to fight." I assumed he had a weapon at that point, so while staring him down I did something stupid. I said "Because I'm trained in a variety of ways to kill you."
That's when he pulled the knife. Not looking at the knife, and locking eyes with him, I said "Why don't you put the knife away?" Which could have been easily translated as "You have now threatened me with a weapon. You have crossed a line, and if I feel like it, I will put that knife into your eye."
He hesitated, broke eye contact, and then put the knife away. I offered my hand for a shake, to show no hard feelings, and to express dominance. Pulling a weapon really steps over a line, but no one needed to be stabbed. Vorpal's brother would have been pissed if I got blood on his floor.
Despite the knife, Portal thought the whole situation was "cute" in a "really stupid testosterone way" (Not a quote).
I may have mentioned Punk Rock Girl in the past. She's the one with the forked tongue, of which I now have pictures. As the party wound down, Vorpal and I executed a stunning job of lay-enabling for our pal Rockstar Casey (with Punk Rock Chick being the target, of course). I managed to extract her from her current ride, make sure she was riding with my group, and get her and Casey to his car. It was like a ballet, but with more sex at the end.
After dropping off Casey and Punk Rock at his car, I was driving Portal home. On the side of the road were some folks pushing a car and waving for assistance. Forgetting for a second that I had someone in the car with me, I pulled over. Long story short, I'm now the new owner of a gas can, as the nearest gas station wouldn't lend me one, they'd only sell it to me. I helped the stranded folks without endangering Portal, and I now can carry up to a FULL EXTRA GALLON of gasoline in my trunk. It's tough to do the good Samaritan actions when you won't trust the people you're helping. I didn't let them ride in my car (I wouldn't have even if Portal hadn't been in the car) and I didn't want to leave Portal in the car while I helped push their vehicle up the hill. In the end, buying them a can of gas was the safest route.
Gas can, beer tap, jumper cables. I'm a traveling solution, baby.
The party: A celebration of Piss Chugging |12:27 AM| Quite a few months ago, Vorpal was drafted into service to the cause of making an asshole drink piss. Vorpal went to quite a bit of effort, including pissing into a measuring cup, straining out ice, yadda yadda. In the end, the jerk off thought he was drinking a new, chilled bottle of beer. Contents: Vorpal Urine.
At this party, we had prior warning of the asshole's arrival. A plan was set in motion, involving the previous incident's preparation (The chilling of piss, among other things) and the organization of a beer chugging contest. The contest was a sham, it was all meant to get the guy to not only drink urine, but to chug it.
You can see the video of him doing it here:
No sound version of piss chugging
The video with sound and commentary (As well as an interview with mister Piss tongue in which I'm standing behind him with a sign that says "PISS!" and making drinking gestures) will be up in the near future.
Before you feel bad for the guy, realize that he was an asshole. A telling quote:
"I don't fuck 'em and leave 'em! I fuck 'em, fuck 'em again, and then leave 'em! HAR HAR!"
Anyhow, his new nickname is "2.0".
Speaking of piss, I "won" a metaphorical pissing match. Portal happened to see this, and thought it was cute. I was walking from the kitchen with a coke in my hand, when a fantastically drunk party-goer stood in front of me. He pointed out that my drink was non-alcoholic.
Cecil: "I'm a designated driver."
Drunk: "So?"
Cecil: "I'm taking 5 people home."
Drunk: (Becoming more confrontational) "So?"
Cecil: "I'm not drinking."
That's when he began fumbling at his pocket and making vague
"Why should I let you not drink?" statements, as well as something to the effect of
"What are you going to do about it/this?"
His body language had started to take on an air of "I want to fight." I assumed he had a weapon at that point, so while staring him down I did something stupid. I said "Because I'm trained in a variety of ways to kill you."
That's when he pulled the knife. Not looking at the knife, and locking eyes with him, I said "Why don't you put the knife away?" Which could have been easily translated as "You have now threatened me with a weapon. You have crossed a line, and if I feel like it, I will put that knife into your eye."
He hesitated, broke eye contact, and then put the knife away. I offered my hand for a shake, to show no hard feelings, and to express dominance. Pulling a weapon really steps over a line, but no one needed to be stabbed. Vorpal's brother would have been pissed if I got blood on his floor.
Despite the knife, Portal thought the whole situation was "cute" in a "really stupid testosterone way" (Not a quote).
I may have mentioned Punk Rock Girl in the past. She's the one with the forked tongue, of which I now have pictures. As the party wound down, Vorpal and I executed a stunning job of lay-enabling for our pal Rockstar Casey (with Punk Rock Chick being the target, of course). I managed to extract her from her current ride, make sure she was riding with my group, and get her and Casey to his car. It was like a ballet, but with more sex at the end.
After dropping off Casey and Punk Rock at his car, I was driving Portal home. On the side of the road were some folks pushing a car and waving for assistance. Forgetting for a second that I had someone in the car with me, I pulled over. Long story short, I'm now the new owner of a gas can, as the nearest gas station wouldn't lend me one, they'd only sell it to me. I helped the stranded folks without endangering Portal, and I now can carry up to a FULL EXTRA GALLON of gasoline in my trunk. It's tough to do the good Samaritan actions when you won't trust the people you're helping. I didn't let them ride in my car (I wouldn't have even if Portal hadn't been in the car) and I didn't want to leave Portal in the car while I helped push their vehicle up the hill. In the end, buying them a can of gas was the safest route.
Gas can, beer tap, jumper cables. I'm a traveling solution, baby.
Labels: Broken Links, Pictures, Vorpal
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