Friday, February 21, 2003
|9:50 AM| (This was written 30 minutes or so after the above)
A month or so after 9/11, some jackass left his briefcase behind at the Time Warner building right by my apartment. I used to work there, so I still knew a bunch of people. I and a friend stopped by to pick up pizza or something and lo-and-behold, everyone in Time Warner is standing outside while the big armored bomb squad truck is trundling around.
That poor bastard's briefcase had a fucking catastophic reality failure a few minutes later.
Hmmm, I guess the police know that they can "detonate" anything if they add enough of their crazy law-abiding explosives to it.


I went out there with my itty-bitty digital camera, found the thing, and realized a couple important facts:

I was perfectly safe, this was not a bomb.

This was not left here on purpose, it was accidently dropped

It's a package of black plastic plates, SOLO brand.

What the FUCK?
I mean, yeah, from the side, it looks vaguely sinister with the celophane and all that. But C'mon! The stoner that works with me walked by while I was out there, staring in a dumbfounded fashion at the plates, and he managed to ID them as plates at a slow amble. (For visual reference, think Shaggy).

Plates. I'll be sure to write up a full fucking report for my boss. And what if security checks it out? I'll never be able to go to the cafeteria again.

Guard: "Whoa there, pal, don't you want us to check those trays out before you serve yourself? They look sinister!"

Other guards: *GUFFAW*

Christ, it's almost enough to make me go build a shitty pipe bomb and switch to the two. Fuck.

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We need one created for the years, and then the months. The months are the /////tricky ones, since they need their ID to increase more than the years, but since the functions keep referencing ///// the same name system, we have to be careful not to make the years close up when we click on a month. ///Set some Variables $YearMenuID = 1; /////What ID the preceding year link controls. Needs to be same for all the months under a given year. $MonthMenuID= 1; ////What ID the preceding month link controls. Needs to be the same for all the weeks under a given ////Month but not the same as any year, etc. $LastYearUsed = 0; $LastMonthUsed = 0; echo '

'; /////That should be the "Year" div. All the years should be in this one DIV. ///Start the main loop. foreach ($myDateArray as $key => $value) { ////Pulling the year/date. $month = ExtractMonth($value); $year = ExtractYear($value); $YearMenuID = $year; $MonthMenuID = $month; $PrettyMonth = $MyDateArray[$month]; ////Is this a new year? If ($year != $LastYearUsed) ///Then we need to put the year down. No DIV created quite yet. { ///First off, we need to close the preceding year's DIV. Twice if it ain't 2001 if ($year != 2001) { echo '

'; } echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML2_; ///That creates a DIV for the year (month based links) then the month (week based links). ////Then the first weekly link. ///That should have made a link to the weekly archive file. ///As well as creating the first month link, which is in its own DIV, } Else { ///Okay, it's not a new year. So, we need to check if it's a new month. If($month != $LastMonthUsed) { //So it's a new month. That means we need to put down a link for the month to control the div //that contains the weekly links. //First, though, we need to close up the previous month echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML3_; } Else /////////So it's not a new month, then we just need to put down the weekly link. { echo '

' . $myDateArray[$key] . '

'; } } $LastMonthUsed = $month; $LastYearUsed = $year; } ECHO '