Friday, February 21, 2003
Attack of the...Object |9:51 AM|
(The following were written for another place, but I'll post them here in the proper order)

There's an object, of unknown origin, sitting in the handicapped spot outside my place of work.
It appears to be one of those regular sized paintcans, painted all back, wrapped in celophane. (It's pissing down rain, so that's likely to protect it)
There's no construction around, there's no work being done. No reason I know of to have something like that sitting in the parking lot.

In Fox News Land, this is clearly a terrorist plot. I do work inside (if not for) the second largest computer company blah blah blah.

Now, even if that whole goddamn can was an incredibly powerful explosive, since it's a paintcan, I'm safe here in the building. If it's a chemical/biological agent, it'd have to be a robotic can, with little legs and a spray gun to get to me in here.
So, I'm safe. My boss and I discussed it, and we let the fantastically lazy security people know about it. In case some handicapped people make handicapped faces at it while trying to park. More than likely, said security guy went back to jerking off to mouse on moose porn, or whatever the fuck they do.
Current ideas are "Poke it with a large stick from great distance" and "Throw rocks from great distance". We don't have a stick long enough (and my dick is not being put on the line here. Not even for national security), and have you ever looked for good rocks to throw at shit? It's like the landscapers went around and found all the rocks that could be used to peg assholes and took them away. You can't find proper rocks for a great distance.



0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Archives
07/15/2001", "07/29/2001", "08/12/2001", "08/19/2001", "08/26/2001", "09/23/2001", "09/30/2001", "10/07/2001", "10/14/2001", "10/21/2001", "10/28/2001", "11/04/2001", "11/11/2001", "11/18/2001", "11/25/2001", "12/02/2001", "12/09/2001", "12/16/2001", "12/23/2001", "12/30/2001", "01/06/2002", "01/13/2002", "01/20/2002", "01/27/2002", "02/03/2002", "02/10/2002", "02/17/2002", "02/24/2002", "03/03/2002", "03/10/2002", "03/17/2002", "03/24/2002", "03/31/2002", "04/07/2002", "04/14/2002", "04/21/2002", "04/28/2002", "05/05/2002", "05/12/2002", "05/19/2002", "05/26/2002", "06/02/2002", "06/09/2002", "06/16/2002", "06/23/2002", "06/30/2002", "07/07/2002", "07/14/2002", "07/21/2002", "07/28/2002", "08/04/2002", "08/11/2002", "08/18/2002", "08/25/2002", "09/01/2002", "09/08/2002", "09/15/2002", "09/22/2002", "09/29/2002", "10/06/2002", "10/13/2002", "10/20/2002", "10/27/2002", "11/03/2002", "11/10/2002", "11/17/2002", "11/24/2002", "12/01/2002", "01/05/2003", "01/12/2003", "01/19/2003", "01/26/2003", "02/02/2003", "02/09/2003", "02/16/2003", "02/23/2003", "03/02/2003", "03/09/2003", "03/16/2003", "03/23/2003", "03/30/2003", "04/06/2003", "04/13/2003", "04/20/2003", "04/27/2003", "05/04/2003", "05/11/2003", "05/18/2003", "05/25/2003", "06/01/2003", "06/08/2003", "06/15/2003", "06/22/2003", "06/29/2003", "07/06/2003", "07/13/2003", "07/20/2003", "07/27/2003", "08/03/2003", "08/10/2003", "08/24/2003", "09/07/2003", "09/14/2003", "10/12/2003", "10/19/2003", "10/26/2003", "12/07/2003", "12/14/2003", "12/21/2003", "12/28/2003", "01/11/2004", "01/18/2004", "01/25/2004", "02/01/2004", "02/08/2004", "02/15/2004", "02/22/2004", "02/29/2004", "03/07/2004", "03/14/2004", "03/21/2004", "03/28/2004", "04/04/2004", "04/11/2004", "04/18/2004", "04/25/2004", "05/02/2004", "05/09/2004", "05/16/2004", "05/23/2004", "05/30/2004", "06/06/2004", "06/13/2004", "06/20/2004", "06/27/2004", "07/04/2004", "07/11/2004", "07/18/2004", "07/25/2004", "08/01/2004", "08/08/2004", "08/15/2004", "08/22/2004", "08/29/2004", "09/05/2004", "09/19/2004", "09/26/2004", "10/03/2004", "10/10/2004", "10/17/2004", "10/24/2004", "10/31/2004", "11/07/2004", "11/14/2004", "11/21/2004", "11/28/2004", "12/05/2004", "12/12/2004", "01/16/2005", "01/30/2005", "02/20/2005", "02/27/2005", "03/06/2005", "03/13/2005", "03/27/2005", "04/10/2005", "04/17/2005", "04/24/2005", "05/01/2005", "05/08/2005", "05/15/2005", "05/22/2005", "07/03/2005", "07/10/2005", "07/24/2005", "07/31/2005", "09/18/2005", "12/11/2005", "12/18/2005", "12/25/2005", "01/01/2006", "01/08/2006", "02/26/2006", "03/05/2006", "03/12/2006", "03/19/2006", "03/26/2006", "04/02/2006", "04/09/2006", "04/16/2006", "04/23/2006", "05/28/2006", "10/08/2006", "11/05/2006", "11/12/2006", "11/19/2006", "11/26/2006", "12/10/2006", "12/17/2006", "12/24/2006", "12/31/2006", "01/07/2007", "01/14/2007", "01/21/2007", "01/28/2007", "02/04/2007", "02/11/2007", "02/18/2007", "02/25/2007", "03/04/2007", "03/11/2007", "03/18/2007", "03/25/2007", "04/01/2007", "04/08/2007", "04/15/2007", "04/22/2007", "04/29/2007", "05/06/2007", "05/13/2007", "05/20/2007", "06/03/2007", "06/10/2007", "06/17/2007", "06/24/2007", "07/01/2007", "07/08/2007", "07/15/2007", "07/22/2007", "07/29/2007", "08/05/2007", "08/19/2007", "08/26/2007", "09/02/2007", "09/09/2007", "09/16/2007", "09/30/2007", "10/07/2007", "10/14/2007", "10/21/2007", "10/28/2007", "11/25/2007", "12/02/2007", "12/09/2007", "12/16/2007", "01/13/2008", "01/20/2008", "02/10/2008", "02/17/2008", "03/09/2008", "03/30/2008", "05/11/2008", "05/18/2008", "05/25/2008", "06/01/2008", "06/08/2008", "06/15/2008", "06/22/2008", "06/29/2008", "07/06/2008", "07/13/2008", "07/20/2008", "07/27/2008", "08/10/2008", "11/08/2009", ); //Pulls stuff out from the given string (assuming it is the right length) //51 places in should be the year. function ExtractYear($WholeDateString) { ////String extract the first part, up until 60 $StringYear = substr($WholeDateString, 60); ///extract everything before the _ $StringYear = strtok($StringYear, "_"); return $StringYear; } function ExtractMonth($WholeURlMonth) { /////Extract the month $WholeURlMonth = substr($WholeURlMonth, 65); $WholeURlMonth = strtok($WholeURlMonth, "_"); return $WholeURlMonth; } function ExtractWeek($WholeURLWeek) { /////Extract the week, which will be the title of each link $WholeURLWeek = substr($URLWeek, 81); $WholeURLWeek = strtok($URLWeek, "<"); echo $WholeURLWeek; } $MyDateArray = array('01' => 'January', '02' => 'February', '03' => 'March', '04' => 'April', '05' => 'May', '06' => 'June', '07' => 'July', '08' => 'August', '09' => 'September', '10' => 'October', '11' => 'November', '12' => 'December'); ///Extract ///$StringMonth /////We need to know which DIV we're in. We need one created for the years, and then the months. The months are the /////tricky ones, since they need their ID to increase more than the years, but since the functions keep referencing ///// the same name system, we have to be careful not to make the years close up when we click on a month. ///Set some Variables $YearMenuID = 1; /////What ID the preceding year link controls. Needs to be same for all the months under a given year. $MonthMenuID= 1; ////What ID the preceding month link controls. Needs to be the same for all the weeks under a given ////Month but not the same as any year, etc. $LastYearUsed = 0; $LastMonthUsed = 0; echo '
'; /////That should be the "Year" div. All the years should be in this one DIV. ///Start the main loop. foreach ($myDateArray as $key => $value) { ////Pulling the year/date. $month = ExtractMonth($value); $year = ExtractYear($value); $YearMenuID = $year; $MonthMenuID = $month; $PrettyMonth = $MyDateArray[$month]; ////Is this a new year? If ($year != $LastYearUsed) ///Then we need to put the year down. No DIV created quite yet. { ///First off, we need to close the preceding year's DIV. Twice if it ain't 2001 if ($year != 2001) { echo '
'; } echo '
'; //That should close up the previous year. ///Say this is the swap from 2001 to 2002, that should close up the 2001 links. ///Problem is, we also need to close up the final month links too. /// echo '
'; //We Need to set the $YearMenuID $YearMenuID = $year; $MonthMenuID = $month; ///Now it should be different than other menu items, but the same for all parts of this //year's DIV. ///This all needs to be in HTML. print<<<_HTML1_

$year

_HTML1_; ///Okay, so now we have a year link that controls...nothing. We need to create a DIV ///For it to control. Since this is the first year, We also need the first month to be put down, no matter ///what. ///So a DIV for all the months is needed. print<<<_HTML2_
View My Stats -->