Tuesday, May 07, 2002
Poker and Oysters |3:08 PM| Some friends of mine got 100 oysters for $18. All we had to do was shuck them.
Easy. At first.

I am now a oyster shucker. Way too many things about oysters can be interpreted as sex jokes. "Just pull it open, use the hole"
"Never say you can't find the hole"
"You have to find the sweet spot to get the job done"
"Just stick it[the knife] in and twist. It's a twisting motion"

In order to shuck an oyster, you must first aquire an oyster knife. Yes, it's important to use that specific knife. It is much thicker, and properly shaped. Now, use a towel, since a slip of the knife can become a gash in the hand. ("Chainsaws can't tell the difference between a tree and your leg") Rinse the oyster in cold water. Keep the oysters on ice at all times that it is not actually being prepared or eaten. Now, cup the oyster's round end in your hand, and insert the knife into the small gap where the shell halves meet. That's the muscle that holds the mussel together. Push the knife in, begin twisting until the shell pops. The shell will suddenly pop open when the muscle is severed. Now, move the knife forward to sever the oyster from the top of its shell. Ditch the top shell, keep as much juice in the lower shell, and put it on ice. Eat on crackers, with cocktail sauce, or plain down your throat.

It was quite a feast when it was all over. The 4 of us went through something like 40 oysters.
When I was taking the HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE oyster shots, I had to use mental tricks that someone taught me about, well, giving head. I couldn't think about the consistency or the appearence of what I was shoving down my throat. Just open your throat, let it slide. Gah. I'm glad I'm a pill popper.
Never do Oyster shots. They are a waste of an oyster and good tequila.

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We need one created for the years, and then the months. The months are the /////tricky ones, since they need their ID to increase more than the years, but since the functions keep referencing ///// the same name system, we have to be careful not to make the years close up when we click on a month. ///Set some Variables $YearMenuID = 1; /////What ID the preceding year link controls. Needs to be same for all the months under a given year. $MonthMenuID= 1; ////What ID the preceding month link controls. Needs to be the same for all the weeks under a given ////Month but not the same as any year, etc. $LastYearUsed = 0; $LastMonthUsed = 0; echo '

'; /////That should be the "Year" div. All the years should be in this one DIV. ///Start the main loop. foreach ($myDateArray as $key => $value) { ////Pulling the year/date. $month = ExtractMonth($value); $year = ExtractYear($value); $YearMenuID = $year; $MonthMenuID = $month; $PrettyMonth = $MyDateArray[$month]; ////Is this a new year? If ($year != $LastYearUsed) ///Then we need to put the year down. No DIV created quite yet. { ///First off, we need to close the preceding year's DIV. Twice if it ain't 2001 if ($year != 2001) { echo '

'; } echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML2_; ///That creates a DIV for the year (month based links) then the month (week based links). ////Then the first weekly link. ///That should have made a link to the weekly archive file. ///As well as creating the first month link, which is in its own DIV, } Else { ///Okay, it's not a new year. So, we need to check if it's a new month. If($month != $LastMonthUsed) { //So it's a new month. That means we need to put down a link for the month to control the div //that contains the weekly links. //First, though, we need to close up the previous month echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML3_; } Else /////////So it's not a new month, then we just need to put down the weekly link. { echo '

' . $myDateArray[$key] . '

'; } } $LastMonthUsed = $month; $LastYearUsed = $year; } ECHO '