Friday, September 28, 2001
|8:09 PM| Where exactly, are the areas it's okay to strike up conversations with strangers?

A buddy of mine and I were at a coffee bar kicking around crazy short story ideas. At one point, when I wasn't doing my increasingly dangerous knife trick, I began bitching about how my bananas always go bad too quickly. In order to use my bananas to the fullest extent, I would have to increase my fruit consumption per day by 700%. Otherwise, the last couple bananas are always very "ripe" within 2 days of their purchase. This female student that had been sitting right next to us for most of the night had been trying to merge with her cellphone. She had stopped this process just in time to express some suggestions for banana preservation. I did an excellent job of not staring down her dress, as the low cut coupled with her lower sitting position (she was on a couch, obviously scavanged from a frat house explosion) made being a gentleman quite difficult. She seemed like a nice enough person, and he suggestions were reasonable, but neither my buddy nor I could think of an excuse to continue talking to her. Some creative geniuses we are. The dead conversation lingered in the air for an uncomfortable moment and then her cell phone rang again. However, the cute, obviously geeky female in the Dell cafeteria today could not be prompted into any manner of conversation. I will admit our only common bond was attacking the only working Rootbeer nozzle on the Dell campus. Shame.

My coworker wants to buy a giant panel van off of ebay and convert it into a kidnap mobile with "a giant robotic ARM!"

He believes that a kidnap and ransom bussiness would still be fairly profitable in this economic environment.
I recommeded therapy, and then an ice cream truck bell. A digital display on the side would give the running count of the next ransom demand, like the progressive slot machines in Vegas.

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We need one created for the years, and then the months. The months are the /////tricky ones, since they need their ID to increase more than the years, but since the functions keep referencing ///// the same name system, we have to be careful not to make the years close up when we click on a month. ///Set some Variables $YearMenuID = 1; /////What ID the preceding year link controls. Needs to be same for all the months under a given year. $MonthMenuID= 1; ////What ID the preceding month link controls. Needs to be the same for all the weeks under a given ////Month but not the same as any year, etc. $LastYearUsed = 0; $LastMonthUsed = 0; echo '

'; /////That should be the "Year" div. All the years should be in this one DIV. ///Start the main loop. foreach ($myDateArray as $key => $value) { ////Pulling the year/date. $month = ExtractMonth($value); $year = ExtractYear($value); $YearMenuID = $year; $MonthMenuID = $month; $PrettyMonth = $MyDateArray[$month]; ////Is this a new year? If ($year != $LastYearUsed) ///Then we need to put the year down. No DIV created quite yet. { ///First off, we need to close the preceding year's DIV. Twice if it ain't 2001 if ($year != 2001) { echo '

'; } echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML2_; ///That creates a DIV for the year (month based links) then the month (week based links). ////Then the first weekly link. ///That should have made a link to the weekly archive file. ///As well as creating the first month link, which is in its own DIV, } Else { ///Okay, it's not a new year. So, we need to check if it's a new month. If($month != $LastMonthUsed) { //So it's a new month. That means we need to put down a link for the month to control the div //that contains the weekly links. //First, though, we need to close up the previous month echo '

$myDateArray[$key]

_HTML3_; } Else /////////So it's not a new month, then we just need to put down the weekly link. { echo '

' . $myDateArray[$key] . '

'; } } $LastMonthUsed = $month; $LastYearUsed = $year; } ECHO '